


The Prince She Was Promised

by ReinaWritesStuff



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Adultery, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Arranged Marriage, Emotional Infidelity, Eventual Smut, F/M, Gen, House Targaryen, Incest, Infidelity, Jonerys Secret Santa, Longing, Marriage, Out of Character, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, Unhappy marriage, kind of ooc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-04-07 00:19:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14068776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReinaWritesStuff/pseuds/ReinaWritesStuff
Summary: "Being a Targaryen princess, she would marry the prince who would become king. She would marry Aegon. But, while they all grew up together, Dany had always been closest with Jon."Bound by her betrothal to the Crown Prince Aegon, Daenerys must put her true feelings and desires aside. But, her undeniable, deep love for Jon and their passionate past together threaten to put cracks in their neatly-planned lives and traditions.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Jon is a Targaryen in this, but he is not named Aegon (the 8,00th), because why. The Targaryens (including Lyanna) never died and never lost the throne. Personalities based more on book versions than show versions.

## Dany’s pale gold gown of silk and crystals dragged behind her as she made her way through the maze of the garden. 

It was just hidden enough away that perhaps no one would find her. She couldn’t take any more congratulatory words and empty smiles. Her brother, the king, had briefly scolded her for having such a solemn face after publicly announcing her engagement to his eldest son, Aegon. It had only further upset her. He hadn’t scolded Aegon who, sweet as he was, couldn’t be bothered to feign excitement either. **  
**

Nor had Rhaegar scolded his younger son, Jon’s, sullen expression.

She reached the far end of the garden where there was a small, grassy area with a swing and a stone bench. It was her place on the palace grounds which had been her refuge since childhood. The floral trees nearly covered the entire view of the sky, adding more of the privacy Dany desired. It has been planned since my birth, Dany reminded herself as she sat on the swing.  _I am to marry Aegon. I am to be queen_. But, no matter how many times she told herself, her feelings didn’t change. As if queued, she heard footsteps approaching and she already knew who they belonged to.

“I hoped to find you here,” Jon said as he emerged from the garden’s maze. His dark curls were pulled back. His clothes, while fine, were far less decorated than Dany’s or Aegon’s; his decision, she was sure of.

Jon was the only child of Rhaegar’s second wife, Lyanna of House Stark. Many had frowned upon Rhaegar when he officially took a second wife, as the practice had not been done in centuries. The Martells, family to Rhaegar’s first wife, Elia, took the greatest offense until it was solidified that no child of Rhaegar and Lyanna would supercede his two children with Elia in the line of succession. And so, when Daenerys was born, her future had already been decided. Being a Targaryen princess, she would marry the prince who would become king. She would marry Aegon. No one had ever truly gone against the notion.

But, while they all grew up together, Dany had always been closest with Jon. He was different than the others; Rhaenys, Aegon, Viserys, even herself. Jon had taken after his Northern mother in more than just his looks. He preferred simplicity more than many of the other Southerners of King’s Landing. His clothes were often darker, planer by royal standards; more functional than showy. He spoke like a highborn son when he was around the family or in public. But, with Dany and Aegon, his speech was relaxed if not a bit less refined. Likely, it was because he was never groomed to be a king. He was only groomed to be himself. That was, perhaps, what Dany loved most about him.

“Have you come to send your congratulations, as well,” she sighed.

“Of course,” he replied sarcastically.

“Well, thank you.”

She never had to hide her sadness around Jon. She never hid any feelings around him. There was no need when, with one look at her face, he always knew her troubles. Growing up as playmates together with Aegon, their bond managed to be stronger with each other than either’s was with Aegon. They were all three only months to a year from each other in age, but Aegon always behaved more like an adult. His personality was wonderful for royal presentations but not as much so when the three would want to simply play games as children would. So, Jon and Daenerys often played together without Aegon.

“I would’ve thought that a woman would look much happier after the announcement of her engagement. You look as if you’ve been marked for death.”

“Jon,” she said curtly, glaring at him.

“Sorry,” he replied, “You do look pretty otherwise, though.“

He crossed the grass and stood against the tree near her. The sunlight peeking through the spaces between the tree leaves glistened against his face. Dany found herself gazing at him as her mind wandered to long gone memories that should’ve been forgotten. Jon turned to her, only locking eyes for a moment, before she looked away.

“I suppose Rhaegar will begin searching for your bride now,” Dany commented, trying to hide her slight bitterness.

“Likely.”

“Has he told you of any prospects?”

“I wouldn’t tell you if he had.”

“That’s not fair. You’ve always known whom I would marry, but I can’t know who you will?”

Her words turned the both of them solemn. They each averted their gazes in opposite directions. The statement was an unfortunate implication. It was true. They’d known. Yet, they went along anyway.

He moved to stand behind her, pushing her lightly in the swing, and Dany smiled as he did. It was just as they had as children. Jon and Aegon would take turns pushing Dany in the swing. She was the smallest of them and for a while could hardly touch the ground. Aegon never took her size into account, unintentionally pushing her too high and too hard, and she’d often fall. Jon, on the other hand, only ever pushed her so lightly that she hardly moved much; just as she liked it. Dany could’ve closed her eyes that day and imagined that they were just innocent children again as she swung along.  

“Do you remember when we were children, and I would always force you to practice the marriage vows with me?”

“Yes, I’m sure I could say them in my sleep even now.”

Jon pushed her lazily for a few minutes more before stopping. Dany leaned against the rope of the swing, seemingly lost in thought, before she broke the silence.

“Saying the vows so much. Does that make us married already?”

Jon exhaled deeply and looked down at her. With her back to him, he was thankful that she couldn’t see his sad expression. But his silence must have been deafening. His hand caressed so lightly over the back of her ornately styled hair that she likely did not even feel it.

“I don’t think it works that way,” Jon replied simply.

“Just a thought,” Dany said as she stood up and moved to the stone bench, “I was only joking.”

As they’d gotten older, Dany’s beauty flourished. It was hard for anyone to ignore how stunning the young girl had grown to be. Jon certainly hadn’t. He’d found himself staring at her longer than he should have. When he was close to her, he felt his heart racing in his chest.

Likewise, Jon had also grown handsome in his adolescence. His features had already matured to the point that he could’ve been mistaken for being some years older. The other girls of the court had begun to realize, as well. They would whisper to Dany about how attractive he was.

“Thank the gods you’re not marrying him,” one girl told her, “There will still be a chance for us now.”

The girl meant it as a half-hearted joke. Dany felt a sort of resentment towards her for the statement. She’d written it off as simply feeling protective of Jon.

Through it all, their bond was as strong as ever; even more so.

But, their relationship changed in their fourteenth year. Jon had been sick for a week with fever, and Dany and Aegon had been forbidden from seeing him. Between the delirium and discomfort of the illness and loneliness of seclusion, he missed them; especially Dany.

So when his door creaked open one night, the long, loose silver hair was a welcomed sight.

“Are you awake,” she whispered as she approached.

“Yeah,” he groaned.

“Good.” Dany climbed up and sat on the edge of the bed near him. “Mother wouldn’t allow me in here even though your fever has already broken.”

“So you snuck in.”

“Of course I did. I missed you.”

She grabbed Jon’s hand with a smile. Jon had thought about how much he’d missed that smile even after only a week. How much he’d longed to see that smile again.

“Have I missed much out there? My mother, hasn’t filled me in on anything.”

“Because you’re not missing anything. It really has been uneventful without you around. Sometimes, though, I would listen to the maesters talk of your illness as if you were near death.”

“I felt like I was.”

“You look like you were,” she faked a grimace and giggled. “I’m joking.”

It felt good to laugh together again. To be around each other. But, in the moonlight, Jon saw Dany’s face turn to concern.

“I was scared, I admit. I didn’t want you to die and leave me.”

“I wouldn’t leave you, Dany.”

She cupped his hand in both of hers and pressed it to her lips.

“Do I look that bad?” Jon asked

“No, you’re still the most handsome sick man I’ve ever seen,” she laughed as she pushed a patch of wet curls off of his forehead, her fingers gently smoothing over his skin, “I’m happy that you’re getting better, though.”

Dany must have let her hand linger against his face too long, because their laughs turned into confused smiles. Confused over the feeling they were experiencing between each other. Jon took a deep gulp and grazed his fingertips over the ends of her hair. Nervously, Dany leaned down and placed her lips to his, and they kissed gently. Neither had ever done that with anyone else before, but they each knew that there was something in that kiss. Something sweet and bewildering; wrong and special.

Dany pulled away first, shocked as she opened her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Jon said quickly. Dany touched her lips.

“No, it’s… it’s fine. I’m the one who is sorry.”

“Don’t tell Aegon,” Jon whispered.

“Of course not. I can leave you, though… if you’d like.”

Dany’s eyes searched Jon’s. In her expression, he saw his feelings reflected. She didn’t want to leave but waited for him to dismiss her. He didn’t want her to leave but anticipated her fleeing the room. Neither moved away from each other.

“I.. I wouldn’t mind it if you stayed,” Jon finally answered.

Dany grinned sweetly, almost bashfully, and nodded. She lifted the blankets, curling on her side facing away from him. Jon nervously kept some distance between their bodies, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling.

“That was nice,” Dany whispered.

“Good night, Dany,”

After a few minutes of silence, and perhaps there was some fever-driven delirium leftover, Jon turned towards her and cautiously wrapped his arm over her. He felt her initially tense for a moment then settle in against him. He’d spent much of the remainder of the night questioning his actions. Fearful that someone would enter and find them together. Worried about what Aegon would say if he found out. But not regretting it. Never once regretting sleeping with Dany in his arms.

That morning, Jon was woken up to a sharp nudge. Somehow during the night, they’d become wrapped even closer to each other. So, when Jon was jolted awake, Dany’s eyes opened to meet the same sight. Aegon. He stood beside the bed, glaring at the sight. Jon holding Dany close against his chest while their hands were laced together. His head tucked against Dany’s. Aegon didn’t need imagination to understand. Dany and Jon both broke apart and sat up, looking at Aegon; readying for a confrontation.

“Aegon…” Dany began.

“Dany, you have to leave before someone sees you,” Aegon spoke, breaking his silence, “You get back to sleep, Jon.”

“I…” Jon began.

“The Maester will be here shortly,” Aegon interrupted, calmly taking Dany’s hand and leaving out the door.

Aegon never told anyone about them, but everything changed after that. The three of them were no longer the playmates they had been. Aegon threw himself even further into his royal duties and away from Dany and Jon. They weren’t children anymore.

“Aegon is a kind, good man,” Jon said, moving from the swing and sitting beside her on the stone bench, “He’ll make a good husband for you”

“I’m certain he will. That almost makes my reluctance worse, doesn’t it? But, he never was the same after he saw us. He always kept his distance from me. How can I expect his feelings to change once we’re married?”

“I wish I could answer that for you.”

He took her hand, and she rested her head against his shoulder. As they sat together, Jon couldn’t help but remember. He couldn’t stop the memories of the two of them from rushing back; the ones he’d worked so hard to suppress. As he glanced down at her, it was if they were the same two lovers as before.

“Do you…” Jon began nervously. “Do you remember that last night we came here?”

Dany sat up looking Jon in the eyes with her lips slightly parted. She did remember. She remembered it all and thought about it often. Far more often than she should have.

It was a year prior to her engagement. The closer Dany came to reaching her seventeenth year, the further away from her arrangement and the closer to Jon she wanted to be. It had been over two years since they’d first kissed, and it was far from their only one.

They would steal away together when they believed no one was looking. Disappear into far reaches of the castle. Even find ways to escape to the bustling streets of King’s Landing undetected. All to have even just a few moments alone together. They’d grown fond of kissing each other but never went further. They had no need to. Staring lovingly into each other’s eyes, their hands intertwining or running through the other’s hair. That was all they’d needed.

One night, together in that same palace garden, Jon sat on the ground, propped against the tree with Dany lying against his chest. Their conversation had gone to Aegon.

“He wouldn’t tell anyone about us,” Jon said.

“What does it matter if he tells them, though?”

“Everything, Dany. You are betrothed to him, not me.”

“He does not want to marry me, and I don’t want to marry him,” she’d told Jon as she was wrapped in his arms. “I don’t love him. Not as I should a husband.”

“Maybe you will in time.”

“But, I love  _you_  now,”she whispered.

Dany had never said it before. Neither of them had. She’d even shocked herself by her words and waited for Jon to respond. He said nothing, only linking their fingers together. In his silence, Dany worried that her words had gone too far. But after a long, pensive pause, he did respond unexpectedly.

“What if we weren’t here anymore? What if we just ran away from all of this? Together.”

She sat up, her eyes bright. The idea had crossed her young mind sometimes, but she never imagined that he would suggest it, too.

“I could color my hair. Something dark. Perhaps I could pass for a Dayne.”

“We could go to the North. It’s large enough to hide where no one would find us.”

“You look too much like a Stark to hide there.” Her voice turned to excitement. “But, why only Westeros? Why can’t we run away to Braavos? Or Pentos?”

“Some lands in Essos aren’t even charted yet. Plenty of places to disappear to.”

They laughed at the thoughts and possibilities that they could come up with. Anything to be together, they thought. But, their carefree humor fizzled as they were hit with reality at the same time.

“Rhaegar would search high and low to bring us back,” Dany sadly remarked.

“No one would take our insult towards Aegon well either. We’d be shamed, and so would he.”

“We can’t do that to him. To our family.”

“No.” Their eyes met with pain.

“It was a nice thought for a moment, though, right?” Dany smiled remorsefully.

“It was.”

With her hand pressed firmly against his face, Dany kissed him with passion and with finality. A last kiss, they both knew. She felt the salty sting of tears as streamed as they deepened their kiss before breaking apart.

After that night, they agreed to a decision that neither of them wanted. Their time of sneaking away together, of private embraces, was done. Dany would be Aegon’s wife. Jon would marry another. 

And for a year, they tried to adhere to that. They remained cordial as to be expected. Dany made more of a point to surround herself with Aegon more than Jon. But, fight it as they tried, neither of them truly forgot what was between them.

Dany’s eyes welled up again at the memory.

“We were going to run away,” her voice cracked.

“I’m sorry to bring that up now,” Jon spoke as he stood up, distancing himself from her, “I do not mean to interfere with you and Aegon anymore.”

“I want the best for Aegon. I want him to find a kind and beautiful wife. A caring wife, who will love him truly. He deserves a good woman.”

“He does,” Jon began, “And he’ll have one. In you.”

Jon’s face looked as if it hurt him as much to say it as it hurt Dany to hear it. But, she knew he was right. They couldn’t change anything even if they wanted to. One tear rolled down her cheek but she quickly wiped it away.

“Of course,” she said with melancholy, “It will be a beautiful ceremony, I’m sure.”

“I should get back now,” Jon spoke before he began to walk away. His heart was pounding through his chest.

“It should have been you, Jon.” Dany uttered the words just loud enough to stop Jon in his tracks. He turned to her as she locked eyes with him. “I wish it were you.”

_So do I_ , he wanted desperately to say as he looked at her sad eyes. He wanted to tell her that he’d spent his life wishing that he was in his brother’s place. That it was his hand which Dany was promised to. That they’d made a mistake not running away that night. That even in that moment, he loved her still as fiercely as he ever had.

But, though he stared in awe of how beautiful she was that day, every day, he knew. She would never be his, and he’d never be hers. He couldn’t afford to bring himself to ever believe otherwise again.

“I wish you both many blessings in your marriage, Daenerys.”

With a pained but stone-faced acceptance, Dany nodded and turned away from him, shifting her attention to the flowers that grew in the hedges. Just like that, Jon felt the wall built between them grow larger and he immediately regretted strengthening it. There was nothing he could do, though. Nothing she could do. Nothing that young love between the wrong people could do.

It didn’t make him love her any less, however. And he knew her love was unchanged, as well. This would be his life. Wondering and wishing for what could have been. What should have been. But, it would all be from afar.

_She was never meant to be mine_ , he forced himself to think and finally left the garden. 


	2. Chapter 2

**_DAENERYS_ **

 “Father. Smith. Warrior. Mother. Maiden. Crone. Stranger.”

It had been two years since Dany and Aegon had first spoken those vows. The sept wrapped their joined hands together in ribbon before the crowd of witnesses. Their family, the court, nobles. All gathered to see the wedding of the future king and queen. Dany didn't have to turn around to feel Jon’s eyes on her. Piercing through her as he stood to the side of them.

“I am his and he is mine,” she’d spoken confidently, “from this day until the end of my days.”

And with a chaste kiss, it was done. The two of them were wed. The crowd clapped their hands in celebration. Dany remembered smiling a reassuring smile at those onlookers. _You see? We are in love. In love as ever could be._ She hoped her smile was convincing enough that at least most of them would believe it. But, she knew it was pointless to ask herself if it had been convincing enough for one.

Jon gave a courteous nod to Aegon which was returned with underlying unease. Dany and Jon, however, avoided giving much eye contact to each other. They'd mingled with other guests, dined on opposite sides of the hall. Neither had done anything to give an inkling that there may have been some feelings left between them. Dany wanted to focus on nothing more than building a happy marriage with Aegon.

And for two years, she tried make that happy marriage a reality. The two of them took trips together. Mostly diplomatic, but they tried to enjoy them anyway. People would politely remark on how well-matched they were to which they both would only give wordless smiles.

At home, they'd attempted to share each other's interests. They found that they were still both fond of reading, one of the common activities they'd shared as children. Although, due to their differing genre preferences, it was easier to simply resign themselves to reading together in silence.

“Have you read this one already,” Dany eagerly asked him during one of those silent reading times. He glanced over his book.

“I began that one, but it did not catch my attention. It was too frilly.”

She would have gone on to gush about how much she was enjoying it but decided to leave it at that instead.

It was marriage. It wouldn't always be filled with excitement. It didn't have to be with someone who enjoyed everything she enjoyed. That it was uninteresting didn't mean that it was unsuccessful. Dany had seen her parent’s terrible marriage of hatred, pain and abuse. She knew that, with Aegon, that would never be her life. He would never raise his hand or voice to her as her father had to her mother. She should've been happy in her union.

Yet, when she was alone, even sometimes when she was with Aegon, her mind still found a way to drift off to that familiar face. Those familiar eyes. That familiar comfort.

About a year after the wedding, Jon left King's Landing to handle affairs in the North. It was stated that he was the natural choice to go, being half-Stark, and Jon was more than willing to leave. Viserys, whom had settled himself at Dragonstone with Rhaenys, had once joked that his sullen demeanor was better suited for the bleakness of the North than anyone else in the family. He wasn't completely wrong, though.

Jon had never been very animated in public, but many noticed that he had grown increasingly surlier in recent times. At one event, Lyanna had scolded him for not presenting himself better. He'd only replied that he didn't have to present himself in any way.

“Who cares what the king’s _second_ son does?”

Many wondered what brought about this change in him. Dany didn't wonder, though. Neither did Aegon. Even though she’d parted with Jon, resolved to their lives, she knew that their resolve was thin at best. Still, Dany was pleased when he decided to leave if for no other reason than to be rid of her feelings once and for all. She thought about Jon in the North finally happy again without her around. It somehow brought her equal parts relief and sadness.

 

****

“Dany,” Aegon said one morning over breakfast. He'd excused the wait staff before speaking which was worrisome enough. Whatever it was that he was about to say frightened Dany before she even heard it. “I feel as if you have not heard the news yet, so I wanted you to hear it from me. Not just as your husband but as your old friend.”

“What is it?”

“Jon has returned, and… he is to be married.”

In that moment, Aegon could have taken the knife in front of her and plunged it violently into her heart, and it would have had the same effect as those words. Her hand gripped tightly on the spoon she held and her vision suddenly but briefly felt blurred. She did not want Aegon to see her reaction as he was studying her closely.

“Is that it,” Dany asked with a grin, “I thought it was something terrible. That's wonderful news.”

“It is?”

“Of course. Why would it not be?”

“Dany, you don't have to hide it from me. I know you…” He stopped himself, looking around for eavesdroppers. “You and Jon.”

“That was so long ago, Aegon, and feels even longer. We have been past that for years now. This is a great thing.”

“I just thought…”

“You thought wrong, husband,” Dany quickly cut him off and laughed, “I'm happy to see him settle down. Maybe he'll be in better spirits than when he left.”

She blankly stirred her spoon around in her bowl, Aegon’s eyes still waiting for her true emotions to betray her. After a few moments, he appeared to believe her act and sighed with relief.

“That's good,” he replied, “Good.”

“Who is it that he will marry?”

“Ellyna Blackwood.”

“I don't think I know her.”

“She's not a member of court. You'll meet her soon, though. She's coming here within a fortnight.”

“How soon is Jon’s wedding?”

“Not very soon, actually. Since she has never been a part of court, Jon insisted that she come to King's Landing to become accustomed to life here before deciding if she wants to go through with the marriage.”

“Jon never was conventional, I suppose,” Dany said still not lifting her eyes. They would have shown too much.

“True, but this will cause problems, I'm sure.”

“How so?”

“The Blackwoods have had a longstanding bond with us. Another marriage into our family would only strengthen that bond and bring greater power to their house. I can't imagine that her family wouldn't see that, as well. It's why Lord Blackwood was more than happy when father proposed the match. If she were to turn the marriage away, it would certainly bring tension within her household.”

“But what about Ellyna?” Dany finally looked up with a twinge of annoyance in her words. “If she finds that she doesn't love him, what should she do? Spend her life smiling and pretending for the sake of her house? Making certain that _everyone_ else is happy and satisfied but her? It's not fair to her or to Jon.”

“You're right,” Aegon replied coolly, “It isn't.”

By the tone in Aegon’s voice, it was clear that her remark had been taken as an unintentional slight. Or perhaps, deep down, it was intentional. Dany had had a hard time holding her tongue on those matters lately. But, Aegon wasn't the intended target for her aggression; their system of life was. She breathed and calmed herself, her expression returning to her cordial demeanor.

“We’re probably concerned over nothing, Aegon. I'm sure she will have no issue with taking Jon’s hand.”

After breakfast and with Aegon now away, Dany sent an attendant to invite Jon to meet with her that afternoon. There was a curious bit of guilt she felt in seeing him without Aegon present. But, she would still have attendants around. They would not be alone. There was no harm done if they were not alone.

Dany waited for him at the outdoor table, standing at the balcony and overlooking the sea. Her back was to the entry when a voice called out announcing Jon’s arrival. Dany took a deep and nervous breath before she turned to greet him. But, she froze before words could escape her.

It was the first time they'd seen each other in over a year, and they'd both changed. Though Jon had always maintained a Northern look, upon his return, there was no differentiation between him and a full Stark. He'd grown more of a beard and mustache and wore half of his curls tied back. He was more striking than ever.  

“Hello, Jon,” she smiled.

“Hello,” he nodded.

They stared at each other for too long, neither sitting down or even moving. The flowers around the entryway framed Jon as it framed Dany in turn. The sunlight against his face and her hair gave them both a stunning glow. Dany shook herself from the trance first.

“Please,” she motioned for him to sit down, “I haven't invited you here to stand around. Have a seat. Tea or wine?”

“Wine. Any kind,” he spoke as he sat across from her.

As they sat together, a flurry of topics fought through Dany's head to discuss. The weather. The food. Anything and everything other than what she, deep down, really wanted to talk to him about. But, she remained mum, and Jon took notice.

“After a year apart, I thought we’d have more to say to each other,” Jon said, “You were never this quiet before.”

As their drinks were poured, Dany spoke up.

“I heard the news. You are to marry Ellyna Blackwood,” Dany said, forcing a smile.

“I am.”

“That is wonderful, Jon. I wanted to congratulate you.”

Jon leaned back in the chair and laughed.

“What's funny?”

“I remember when your engagement was announced, you didn't seem thrilled to take any congratulations. Mine hasn't even been publicly announced yet, and I'm already dreading the endless stream of them.”

“They _can_ feel a bit hollow after a while. But, I assure you that I mean it.”

He raised his wine glass to her in cheers and she raised her cup of tea.

“No wine for you, I see.”

“No, I've been advised not to consume it anymore.”

Jon sat back upright, a serious look on his face.

“Why not,” he asked cautiously, “You're not… are you with child?”

“I'm not. That is apparently the problem. The maesters have made that clear.” Dany pursed her lips at the thought. “They're concerned that my health or whichever is preventing me from having a child by now, though they have no proof of that. I've been told not to drink anything of the sort in order to ensure a healthy heir. Whenever I have one, of course.”

“That's a lot of pressure you're under,” Jon responded sympathetically. Even with a bit of anger for her laced in his voice.

“It's our obligation. And my desire, too. Of course.” She immediately steered the conversation away from her. “What is this about Ellyna coming to visit court?”

“I wanted her to make sure that she actually wants to be here, to be married to me, before she makes her life here. This isn't an easy life we live, Dany. You know that better than most. People need to know what they are becoming a part of.”

Dany gulped.

“What if she decides that she does not want to stay?”

“Then she can go back to her family. Find a lord or someone to marry or not marry. I won't stop her.”

“And Rhaegar agreed to this?”

“Why shouldn't he? I’m not beholden to the same constrictions as Crown Prince Aegon. And, I'm living proof that my father should have no qualms in shirking tradition when it comes to marriage. I'm always happy to remind him of that.”

Dany cocked her head to the side as she drank her tea.

“You disapprove?”

“No. In fact, I think it's admirable, Jon. And caring. To have a true choice in who she marries or doesn't marry, obligation be damned. Whatever Ellyna decides, she's had the good fortune of having you as her suitor.”

She placed her hand on top of his. It was only an act of kindness and reassurance but with it came a rush of feelings. All of the thoughts she'd had of him surged back into her, and she knew that he felt it, too.

Jon turned his palm upwards and gently closed his fingers around her hand. Dany’s eyes were trained on the table space between them. She didn't dare look up to face him, knowing he was staring at her just as he had been at her wedding. His thumb smoothed over her skin, and she gently clutched his hand tighter. It all felt just the same as the last time they'd held each other's hands in that garden. Dany closed her eyes briefly, suppressing her memories of him, before opening them and sliding her hand away.

“I would like to spend time with Ellyna while she's here,” Dany said in a voice almost too formal. “Perhaps we will become good friends.”

“I wouldn't have thought otherwise.”

They sat back in their chairs again, returning to their drinks and food. Dany and Jon gazed at each other, the feelings in their gaze almost hard to pinpoint. Relief and regret. Joy and sadness. Both anticipation and fear of what would happen between them now that he had returned.

“I'm happy that you're back, Jon,”

“So am I.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Reina is alive? What?!" Yes, it is I. Author notes at the end.

**_JON_ **

There was an innate comfort that came with being back in his old bed. He had only been gone a year, but it seemed like much longer since he'd rested well in any bed. He'd nearly forgotten the feeling of not needing to sleep under layers of fur for warmth as he had while staying at Winterfell.

If he was honest, Jon was just happy to be done with politics for the time being. Even when he was young, all of the royal duties that came along with his title were difficult to put up with. In those days he had the support of the always-proper Aegon being at his side. And Dany. Aegon was good for drawing the attention to himself and away from Jon. Dany was good to commiserate with over their shared desire to be anywhere else but there.

_Dany was always good at doing what she didn't want to do_ , Jon thought with a touch of spite.

He would need to possibly draw from that talent himself soon enough.

He closed his eyes and thought of her, standing at the balcony with the sun rays bathing her in an ethereal glow. And she smiled. And greeted him. And he'd realized that – more than home, more than the comfort of his own bed – he'd missed her. Everything about her.

_“I'm happy that you're back, Jon.”_

He heard her words in his head and tried not to think of how sweet it was to hear her say them. Jon shook the thoughts away. Ellyna Blackwood was due to arrive that day. For however long she would be there, he did want her to feel welcomed at least by him. He’d left the endless lamenting in King's Landing when he'd set out north. He had no time to concern himself with another's marriage when he had the prospect of his own possible marriage to focus on. There was no room for fruitless longings anymore.

But he still saw Dany's smile when he closed his eyes.

A hard knock on the door broke Jon from his thoughts.

“Please give me some time. I'm resting,” he called out. No voice responded. There was only another, harder bang. Frustrated, Jon yelled, “It can wait! I said I'm resting.”

“Too tired to greet your own brother,” a voice finally replied.

Jon stood and opened the door to find Aegon, grinning back. Ever the more fashionable of the two, he wore fine clothes well-made with designs of dragons embroidered into the fabric. His hair was freshly cut and styled back and he looked every bit of the established Crown Prince that he was. But, to Jon, he only saw a beloved brother. The two embraced with a laugh.

“It's good to see you,” Jon said.

“And you. I've come to collect you. Lady Ellyna is almost here.” Aegon looked Jon up and down, looking at his casual attire. “I take it that you'll simply wear that.”

Jon hadn't put on anything special. Nothing more than what he'd normally wear on any average day. He'd already done his overdressing when he first met Ellyna with Rhaegar at her home. He was in no hurry to jump into fancy frocks again.

“I don't see why not,” Jon said proudly.

The two brothers made their way through the halls, catching up on each other’s lives. Aegon asked a number of questions, mostly about the politics of the other kingdoms. How the various lords welcomed and perceived him. Different concerns that the houses had. Jon would've much rather talked about the food or sport. He would've even reluctantly settled for discussing the local women more than politics. But, as far as the women, Aegon only wanted to ask about one.

“Lady Ellyna," Aegon began with a smirk, "I hear she's a good woman.”

“Yes, she's nice. Pretty.”

“That's all you can say about her, Jon,” Aegon laughed, “What can I expect with her? Is she charming? Cheerful? Shy?”

“You'll meet her shortly, and you'll see for yourself. No need to be impatient.”

“Can you blame me? I can't help but want to know about the woman who’ll marry you. She must be something for you to agree to this.”

“I had my conditions,” Jon corrected.

“I heard. A courtship period is smart.”

“More so courting the court than me. If she hates it here, she can go.”

“Rebelliously kind-hearted. That’s the Jon I remember.”

“You know well that I was never a lover of tradition,” Jon spoke nonchalantly.

“I _do_ know well.”

The tone in Aegon’s voice was different than before. Something dark, sad even, lied in it. He didn’t look at Jon when he said it, but he didn’t have to. No matter the love they’d always had for each other, some matters tended to cause an unease between them. Jon wasn’t in any hurry to rehash them.

“What have I missed since I was away,” Jon asked unintentionally curt, “It’s been some time since I’ve heard from either of you.”

“You haven't missed much, I'm afraid. Much of the same. But, we enjoy ourselves, the two of us. Don't worry, though, Jon. You may have not been here, but you were always present with Dany and me.”

Jon didn't respond. He was hopeful that it wouldn’t be an issue any longer. But, Aegon’s response made it clear to Jon that the old wounds had not healed. Even that Jon’s arrival had cut them open again.

“But enough about that,” Aegon said with a friendlier voice again, “I am looking forward to your marriage.”

“Yes, we’ll see how it works out.”

The brothers entered the courtyard just in time for the small caravan of carts arrived. Jon stood alongside Lyanna and Aegon next to Elia. Rhaegar stood in front of them all and extended members of court behind them. It was Rhaegar’s way of appearing more inviting to the girl, but Jon couldn’t help thinking that it was an intimidating sight be greeted by. Then his eyes scanned the small crowd and noticed who was missing.

“Where's Dany,” Jon whispered to Aegon, “I thought she would have wanted to be here, too.”

“I suppose she wasn't up to it,” Aegon replied with a shrug.

Jon didn’t have time to pry further before the carriage pulled up and the door was opened. Ellyna stepped out slowly, obviously taken aback by the amount of eyes on her. She was of medium height and probably hid a more mature frame under her layers of clothing. Her wavy, dark hair hung over her shoulders with two smaller pieces braided back. Her wide brown eyes gazed around, finding Jon briefly then looking away. With a gulp, she gave a polite curtsey before standing and painting on a smile. Jon couldn’t help but note how bad she was at faking a grin.

“Welcome, Lady Ellyna” Rhaegar said with the warm smile that he was famous for. “We’re pleased that you're here.”

“Thank you so kindly for having me, My King,” she replied in a way that was clearly rehearsed. They all stood in silence for an awkward amount of time, waiting for Ellyna to say something else. But, that was all she had. Her smile began to look pained as she held it, waiting for someone else's words to rescue her. Rhaegar finally cleared his throat and spoke.

“I have arranged for rooms for you and your party. Our attendants will see you to them.”

Jon looked over to the would-be attendants and how they sneered snobbishly at Ellyna’s plain garbs and seemingly meek demeanor. It was already beginning, he thought. He stepped forward.

“If I can, father, I’ll show Lady Ellyna and her company to their quarters myself.”

“Of course,” Rhaegar said, surprised and pleased at Jon’s willingness. “You can get better acquainted.”

Jon offered his arm to Ellyna and led her away. Her handmaiden followed. Ellyna, once away from the crowd’s piercing eyes, let out a solemn sigh. She almost could've been mistaken as attending a funeral. The girl was not eager for the arrangement when he’d met her at Raventree Hall, but she somehow seemed more upset than before.

“How was your journey,” Jon asked.

“It was well, Your Grace,” she replied with calculated words again.

“You don't have to address me as Your Grace. Please call me Jon.”

“Yes, Your… Jon.”

“See, that was easy enough.” She genuinely smiled for what seemed like the first time since he'd known her.

As they made their way down the corridor, a woman walked by wearing a low-cut gown that had become the style of many of the King's Landing ladies. When she curtseyed, they could nearly see clear down her dress. Once the woman was out of earshot, Ellyna exchanged a glance with her handmaiden and looked over to Jon.   

“Will I have to wear a dress like that here,” she asked with a grimace.

“No. You won't have to wear that if you don't want to.”

“I'd like to keep my own garments if that’s alright,” she said, clutching her sleeves.

“Of course you can,” Jon said, “I take it that you don’t have a liking for flashy fashions?”

“Not particularly. My mother tried to dress me in elegant dresses once. Each time she put me in a new one, Mara – my friend – and I dirtied them up in the muddy riverbanks until she finally agreed to let me choose my own dress,” she laughed. Then her smile fell as if the joyful memory somehow brought her sad nostalgia and longing.

Once they reached her room, Ellyna stood in the doorway, hesitant to enter. Taking a deep breath, she stepped in carefully observing the space. Jon watched as she examined the sheets and decoration in awe. Glanced at the view out of the window.

Although she was eighteen, there was something far more innocent in her. Or perhaps it was her quiet demeanor which was mistaken for naivety. Just as it had been when he met her before, it never seemed as if he ever truly saw Ellyna. With anything she said around him, anything she did, it felt like an artificial facade masking a deep, truthful interior. Some secret. And her formalities alone refused to let Jon in.

Jon thought back to when he saw Dany after they'd announced that she was to be married. Ellyna had that same hollow stare. That same look that begged to be somewhere else. Or with someone else. She opened the desk drawer, though, and her eyes finally lit up at the sight. It was filled to the brim with all the stationary she could ask for. Jon stepped forward.

“You said that you write a lot,” he said, “I’m sure that you brought your own parchment and ink. But, I made certain that you had plenty extra to write home. Letters are delivered quickly here, so you should be able to maintain regular correspondence with family.”

“And my friends, too,” she added.

“Yes.”

“Thank you,” she replied earnestly.

“I should warn you. There is already talk of a feast soon to celebrate your arrival.”

“Oh, that’s not necessary. Please.” Her eyes went wide, likely at the idea of so much attention on her.

“I told my father as much, but he’s insistent on it. I’ll make sure they don’t try anything too extravagant and outrageous. We’ll keep it small.”

Ellyna let out a sigh of relief. Jon excused himself and started to leave, but Ellyna spoke out.  

“Will the princess be there, too?” Jon stopped at the doorway and turned back around. “Princess Daenerys. I have always heard good things about her. I was hoping to meet her today.”

“She was ill, but I’m sure she’ll be at the feast.” He wasn't expecting to have to discuss Dany and found himself uneasy with it. But there was a noticeable, softer change in his tone as if he couldn't stop himself from continuing. “You'll love her when you meet her. I guarantee that. And if you’ve heard good things about her, they’re probably all true. Daenerys is the best of us.”

He found himself nervously tapping on the door after he spoke. Ellyna stared at Jon with furrowed brows, confused by his expression. His face must have been more strained than his cheerful words would have suggested. He gathered himself together and walked back towards her, attempting to change the subject.

“I know this must be a lot for you. It is for me, as well, I admit.” He placed his hand on her shoulder. “My offer to you, Ellyna. I do mean it. You give the word and you can go back to Raventree Hall. You're not trapped here.”

“I know,” she replied. He wasn't certain if she truly believed that. “There's nothing for me back home, though. Not anymore. _Your Grace_.”

He wondered what she meant by that but knew that she wouldn’t tell him. Not then, at least. And he wouldn’t have told her any more than he already had either. For the time being, they would both have to settle for the mystery and darkness that their secrets left them in as they courteously smiled through their courtship. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for hanging in there with this story! I've had a ton of life issues come up that halted me from writing. But, I'm back now. I truly appreciate the support I've received on this. I'm immensely surprised by the positivity. Thank you soooooo much for that. I am working on responding to comments today. This angsty story of mine is a slow burn work of love, and I hope you guys continue to enjoy it. The next chapter is nearly finished, so expect that next week! Much love, my friends!


	4. Chapter 4

_DAENERYS_

She had been dressed that evening to meet Ellyna when the caravan came in. Her handmaidens had picked a beautiful dress for her and had done her hair nicely. All to greet the young woman who could marry Jon. After all of the preparations were finished and Aegon and the attendants left the room, Dany sat on her bed in silence. The palms of her hand were clammy as she kept them folded neatly in her lap.

She tried to tell herself to get up, go downstairs and meet her. That they were all expecting her to be there. That Jon was expecting her. That her not being there came with too many implications. But, she sat frozen in a trance on her bed. Her body felt like immovable lead, and she couldn’t bring herself to pick up and go. So, she didn’t. She stayed in her room, on her bed while everyone gathered elsewhere.

Aegon walked in after some time. Their eyes met when he saw that she was still there. She hadn’t even moved to take her gown off or let her hair down.  

“You couldn’t meet her, could you,” Aegon sighed. Dany opened her mouth for some clever retort or excuse, but nothing came to her. “She’s polite. I can’t gage much else from her yet. Jon was cordial and showed her and the group to their quarters. Father is optimistic about them. Or perhaps just wishful. I’m still deciding. That’s all the report I have for now.”

“Thank you,” Dany replied almost with shame.

Neither of them said anything else to each other. Aegon prepared himself for bed while Dany kept her eyes averted. Since Jon’s return, the already existing distance between Dany and Aegon grew every day behind closed doors. It was as if their faulty illusion of a happy marriage was being increasingly exposed with each day that passed and Jon was the catalyst. That Dany chose to not meet Ellyna was all the confirmation Aegon needed that the past was back again if it had ever left, at all.

“You really should meet her,” he said as he climbed into bed, facing away from Dany. “She’ll need someone stronger like you around if she has any hope here.”

Dany remembered his words that next day as she stared at Ellyna from afar. The girl was surrounded by a small group of other ladies who were chatting away. Her clothes were in the modest fashions of the Riverlands. Her hairstyle, though, seemed to suggest that either she or an attendant had attempted a style like that of those in King's Landing but it didn't come out properly. It didn't detract from the fact that she was indeed pretty. Ellyna was as lovely as Dany had imagined. But, that loveliness was overshadowed by the barrage of comments she was receiving.

“I find it curious that the king would marry his son to your house rather than another,” the more dominant girl of the group spoke, “Both the Tyrells and the Baratheons have beautiful young daughters. And we know that our king is fond of Starks.”

The other girls snickered at that quip.

“So, why House Blackwood? And why you?”

Ellyna’s face was a mix of anger and embarrassment. Whatever comment she wanted to say was stuck on the edge of her tongue and her cheeks were flushed with emotions. That she couldn't answer only made the girls more bloodthirsty. They were the cowardly types, and they'd found their prey. Though she'd only hovered nearby to observe, Dany decided she couldn’t listen to it any longer. She stepped out towards them.

“Are you questioning my brother – _your king's_ – judgement?”

They heard Dany's voice before they turned and saw her. Each of them looked concerned and immediately apologetic. Ellyna appeared relieved but anxious at the sight of Dany. She stared at the other girls with dagger eyes, waiting for a response.

“I meant no offense, Your Grace,” the pack leader said.

“Perhaps Lady Ellyna was chosen by her own merit rather than what _you_ would consider a fancy family name.”

“Of course, Your Grace,” they all chimed in.

“Ellyna, would you mind a walk,” Dany asked. Ellyna smiled at her.

The both of them departed, leaving the other girls stunned to silence. As the two walked through a flower-lined path, Dany was able to observe Ellyna up close. She was slightly taller than Dany made evident as they walked side-by-side. Dany instantly picked up that Ellyna had a habit of fiddling with the tips of her hair and that she deliberately took shorter strides so that she didn’t walk faster than Dany. She studied everything about Ellyna. She also noticed how worried Ellyna seemed.

“Please don’t pay them any mind,” Dany said with comfort, “They're likely only upset that _they_ weren’t matched with Jon instead.”

“I'm sure that my family isn't as impressive to them as others, but they didn't have to …”

“You shouldn't concern yourself with their comparisons. It doesn't really matter.” Ellyna nodded.

In Dany’s mind, she’d played out many conversations that she would have with Ellyna. She had numerous inviting questions to ask her. What she was interested in? What were her favorite foods? Dany thought she’d have no problem asking away. But, it all disappeared. The sharp pang in her heart managed to silence any plan she had for conversation. _Jon’s wife_ , she repeatedly thought to herself as she looked at the girl. As if it was meant to be a constant reminder to herself. _This will be Jon’s wife soon._

“Thank you for what you told them,” Ellyna said.

“There is no need to thank me. They were cruel for no reason. You didn't deserve that.”

“I still thank you. Unfortunately, that was not the first time I've received a cold reception here,” Ellyna sighed and Dany felt a twinge of guilt.

“I apologize for not being there to welcome you when you arrived,” Dany said after a moment, “I completely lost track of time.”

“Oh, Jon said you were ill.”

“Uh, yes,” she said, hoping she hadn't been caught in her lie, “A bit. I'm better now, though.”

That Jon lied for her meant that he must have known why she wasn't there. Something about that embarrassed Dany. _I am terribly sorry but I could not bring myself to face you, Ellyna, so I didn’t_. It’s what Dany almost wanted to say. It was the truth, after all, even if it was hard to admit.

“Are you excited,” Dany questioned, changing the subject entirely. Ellyna stared in confusion.

“For what?”

“Your _wedding_.”

“Oh. Yes, very. I couldn't be happier.”

The girl was painfully unconvincing. As if Ellyna could sense Dany’s concern, she flashed a sweet smile; even had blush in her cheeks. Still not fully convincing.

“I was very nervous before my wedding. There is a lot to think about. More than your dress or your vows. You think about all of the people watching you. All that you're stepping into. All that you're leaving behind. How your life is not quite your own anymore. A lot of pressure comes with being a wife.”

Dany had gotten so lost in her listless recounting that she almost hadn't noticed Ellyna’s grimace as she took a deep gulp.

“I am so sorry,” Dany said remorsefully, “None if that was helpful.”

“It's fine,” Ellyna replied with an uneasy smile.

She had to watch her words around Ellyna. The girl was under enough stress as it was. Dany tried to think of something reassuring to say.

“There couldn't have been a better suitor for you in our family, you know. Jon is truly the best of us.” Ellyna creased her brows and giggled. “What is it?”

“He said the same of you. That you’re the best of your family.”

Dany paused, concentrating hard on not giving a reaction, before speaking again.

“Then he's too generous.”

Dany was quiet after that. She couldn't risk herself going on another tangent that could lead to talking too much further about Jon. Thankfully for Dany, it was Ellyna who had other matters she wanted to address.

“May I ask,” she began, “how long do you believe that a letter from the Riverlands would take to reach King’s Landing?”

“Oh, I don't know. If it was an emergency, a raven would be sent and it would arrive hastily. Still, even with a regular letter, it would certainly take under a fortnight.”

“I see.” Ellyna’s expression fell. “And if it was taking longer than that, perhaps the person did not send a letter back.”

Dany wondered what brought the inquiry on. Whatever it was had washed deep sadness over her face that was not tied to Jon or any judgemental girls in King's Landing.

“Are you expecting something?”

“Not really, in all honesty,” Ellyna shrugged.

“You miss home, I’m sure.”

“Somewhat.” She was obviously underplaying her feelings.

“It’s okay to miss home, you know. I would miss mine if I were away, too.” For a flash of a moment, Dany thought of her long-gone plan to run away. “I'm certain whatever it is you're waiting for from home will be h–”

Dany stopped mid sentence when saw Jon approaching ahead of them. He wore lighter-colored clothes than he usually opted for, his hair in loose curls. His facial hair freshly trimmed. He smiled the warmest smile Dany had seen from him since they were younger. She blinked and looked away from him. She couldn’t trust her thoughts in that moment.

“You two finally met,” he said as he reached them.

“Princess Daenerys rescued me,” Ellyna smiled.

“I really didn't,” Dany said, suddenly nervous. “It was nothing.”

“Happy to see that you're getting along. Ellyna was very eager to meet you,” Jon spoke in a way that Dany knew what he was truly saying. _Where were you?_ He didn't dwell on it as he pulled out a letter and handed it to Ellyna. “This arrived for you.”

She took it and her eyes and face lit up. She grinned at Jon, thanking him before excusing herself. Dany wanted to grab Ellyna, hold her back so she couldn't leave the two of them alone. But, she was off, and Jon and Dany simply stared at each other, waiting for the other to speak. This deafening silence between them was a new concept for her.

“Well,” Jon finally asked.

“Well, what?”

“What are your thoughts on Ellyna?”

“I like her. She is very…”

“Your honest thoughts,” he cut her off before she could deliver a sterile answer.

“Does she seem sad to you?”

“She’s been that way since her father introduced her to me. I can't make out exactly what's going on.”

“Some girls were giving her a hard time. I’m certain that it didn’t help matters, at all.”

“No. It's something else.”

They continued walking together without even realizing. As if falling in step together was instinctual. Perhaps it was. Dany didn't want to think of how nice it felt to walk along with him again.

“I do like her, though. Honestly.”

“She reminds me of you in a way,” Jon remarked looking down at her.

“How so?”

“She just does,” he said plainly. It was easy to see that he had more to say on that matter, but he wouldn’t elaborate. “There's going to be a welcome feast for her.”

“That sounds nice. It's been some time we've had a feast with all of us together.”

Jon grinned as a thought came to him.

“Remember that time when father made us dance at his feast to welcome the Martells?”

“Faintly,” Dany replied nonchalantly, “I can't quite recall that.”

That was a lie. She remembered it all very well. They were only in their twelfth year. Aegon was of course the first choice to perform. Unfortunately, for all the grace he regularly carried himself with, Aegon always was heavy-footed and could not keep up with the steps easily.

Jon, however, was far lighter on his feet. His prowess in sword fighting saw to that. He detested the thought of dancing, certainly in public. But, if he’d refused, Dany would've had one of the other highborn boys as her partner. Likely Arthur, a sniveling brat of a child, who’d declared his unrequited affections for Dany many times by then. So, Jon obliged Rhaegar for her sake.

At the feast, the two of them danced with the crowd of eyes on them. Dany had been nervous before stepping up. But, Jon told her not to pay attention to the crowd; only keep her eyes on him. And she did. They danced beautifully for children their age, as many remarked, and were remembered for it. But, Dany remembered it for another reason. It was the first time that she, in all their connection while dancing, began seeing Jon differently than she ever had. As more than simply a childhood friend.

“I can't believe that you don't remember that,” Jon said. His face looked to be genuinely hurt that she’d seemingly forgotten.

“I'm sorry,” Dany laughed nervously.

“Well, he's sworn that there will be no dancing this time. Not from us, at least.”

“That's good to know.”

They went quiet again. Though they’d been walking for some time, Jon finally offered his arm, which she took against her better judgement. He placed his hand gently over hers. Before she could get lost in that feeling, he spoke again.

“I was surprised to see that you weren’t there to greet Ellyna.”

“You said yourself, Jon. I was ill,” she replied with pursed lips.

“Dany.”

“I’m not sure what you want me to say. I don’t have any elaborate reason. I simply had other things that needed to be done. I've met her now, so everything is fine.”

He could see right through her, she knew it. He could see her hands becoming balmy again. But, he softened his gaze at her, forcing her to ease her tension, too.

“Alright,” he said, “I’ll leave it at that.”

As they stopped walking, they realized that they were at the entrance of the maze garden. _Their_ garden. They looked at the entrance and then at each other as if their memories called them inside. Instead they exchanged a quick smile. He took her hand and kissed it before walking away. When Dany watched him leave, she could feel a tightness in her stomach. An all too familiar overwhelming flow of emotions which she thought she’d successfully learned to suppress.

That night, as Aegon slept on his side of the bed, Dany dreamt of Jon. They were in a place she’d never been before. It was certainly not anywhere she’d seen in Westeros. But, they were together sitting in the grass by a cliffside.

They both wore simple clothes. Their hair was loose and blew in the wind as the sea waves crashed far below them. She could almost smell the water and feel the warm sun rays on her skin. It was too real. He wasn't Ellyna's, and she wasn't Aegon's. They belonged to each other and no one else. That much she knew. He mouthed something that she didn't hear then leaned in and kissed her. As they pulled back, Dany whispered his name and smiled again.

When she woke up, the room was still dark. Dany stared at the ceiling, still taken aback by how true her dream felt. She placed her hand gently over her heart and a tear rolled down onto her pooled hair. She wiped it away before she noticed that her bed was empty. She sat up quickly and searched the room, finding Aegon on the lounge chair, covered in a blanket. His eyes opened as she looked at him in confusion.  

“You were talking in your sleep,” Aegon said low before closing his eyes back. She didn't have to imagine what he heard her say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've set this fic to be 10 chapters long now, similar to the full-season format of the show.  
> Thanks for reading.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The welcome feast draws Dany and Ellyna closer, but her connection with Jon strengthens again. Dany and Aegon struggle further with keeping up appearances. And the event brings an old visitor from the North.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *taps mic* You still there? If you're still reading, thank you! I know it's been a while, but I'm happy you're here.  
> Take a look at the End Notes for some story notes and all the details on updates.

_DAENERYS_  
  
The musicians played an upbeat song. The hall had been transformed with decorations and a crowd of long tables steadily filled with guests. Though Rhaegar had promised that the event would be small and informal, he still had arranged more for Ellyna's feast than expected. Although there was no formal announcement as to why she was in King’s Landing, the majority of the guests knew that she was there for Jon. Like those girls Dany rescued Ellyna from, they would be ready to pass their judgements on her. Despite their circumstances, Dany felt a protectiveness over Ellyna. Something that compelled her to want her to feel welcomed and happy in King’s Landing.

Earlier that morning, Dany paid a visit to Ellyna’s room much to the girl’s surprise. Dany and her attendant carried a chest which they placed at the feet of Ellyna’s bed.

“Have you chosen a dress for tonight,” Dany asked.

“I – no, I haven’t,” Ellyna replied. “I was not prepared for any festivities when I packed my belongings.” 

“I hope you don’t mind, then, I brought some dresses. Perhaps they can give you some more options if you’d like. You’re taller than I am, but they’re all quite long. So hopefully they still fit you well.”

The attendant opened the chest and began laying the dresses out on the bed side by side. Ellyna looked on at the spread of finery before her.

“I was going to bring more red ones, to symbolize our houses,” Dany began, “but I, um, noticed that you wear green often. So I brought some green choices, as well. I hope they're not too much.” 

“Not at all, princess. Thank you,” Ellyna replied in awe.

“Please don't feel any pressure to wear any of them if you don't like them.”

Ellyna lifted a velvet dress, deep emerald adorned with jewels and golden silk stitching. Standing in front of the mirror, Ellyna held the dress against herself with a serene expression. Her fingers traced the fabric and stitches, her eyes full of love and nostalgia.  

“Green reminds me of home,” she said softly. 

“You’re welcome to keep it if you want to. Any refitting you may need can be done immediately.”

Ellyna and Dany shared a friendly smile before Dany excused herself to let her get ready. And that night, when Ellyna arrived to the feast in that green dress, her hair done nicely and hand linked with Jon’s arm, she looked every of a royal. She also looked every bit of a happy, regal wife next to Jon. Dany pushed that thought out of mind, though.

The family sat at a long table on a platform raised slightly higher than the tables below with a dancing space set up in between. Most households invited sent only one or two family members in their stead. As intimate as that made the feast feel, many of those invited were still strangers to Dany. Even more so to Ellyna. But, a familiar face had come for Ellyna.

From her family, one of her older brothers made an appearance. When she saw him, she excitedly moved around the table and hugged him, embracing tightly. She’d seldom mentioned much of her family to Dany, but she knew that Ellyna was close with her next oldest brother. As she stepped back from him, there was the briefest flash of disappointment on her face. 

“It’s only me here, I’m afraid,” he told her in a way that betrayed some hidden message to her. 

“That’s enough for me, brother,” she replied with a nod and a smile. Whatever underlying meaning that had was understood by him as he smiled.

“Perhaps next time,” he said, cryptically.

“Next time.”

Ellyna took her seat and her brother rejoined the crowd. Dany couldn’t help but note the strange exchange but didn’t have time to ponder it further. The guests from House Stark had arrived.

From the Starks, three of Jon’s cousins were sent in attendance. Of them was Alarra, the eldest cousin and only daughter of one of his uncles. When the three of them would come to visit as children, she was always tall, gangly and a bit awkward-looking. But, it had been years since they'd come to King's Landing. As an adult, she’d certainly grown to take after her beautiful Dornish mother. Long raven hair was styled in loose curls, and a single halo braid on top highlighted her striking face and bright amethyst eyes. She wore an elegant black gown, faintly embroidered with wolf designs. As the three bowed before them, Dany greeted them and glanced over to Aegon. However, Aegon’s attention was elsewhere. 

If an ethereal creature with diamond skin and radiating light had descended before Aegon, his eyes would still not be as lost in awe as they were when he stared at Alarra. He watched her every movement, hung on every word she said, slack-jawed. For the first time, Dany saw on Aegon the look of a sheepish young boy, charmed into silence. He hadn’t even realized that Jon was speaking to him until Dany quietly nudged him. 

“Did you say something,” he asked.

“I was talking about our games we’d all play growing up,” Jon said, “We were more rambunctious, I recall. Aegon always preferred that we stay in and play that board game of his.”

“I remember that,” Dany chimed in.

“I really liked the board game, though,” Alarra spoke, holding her gaze on Aegon directly then looking to the others. “It was a fun break from you rowdy lot.” 

They all laughed at that. A couple of years older than the rest of them, she’d always appreciated how calm-mannered and mature Aegon was.  

“Do you still play that game, Your Grace,” Alarra addressed Aegon.  

“Sometimes, when I can.” 

“Well, I’ve been playing it myself, and I’ve gotten very good at it. I could probably beat you at it now.” She joked, waiting for a retort, but Aegon only stared at her with a soft expression. “No response? That was a challenge.” 

“Apologies, I was just,” he looked for the right words to explain his distraction. “Your dress, Lady Alarra. It’s very… lovely on you. Black is a… black is good color for you.”

Alarra’s smile fell, shock washing over her face. She furrowed her brows and glanced confusedly at Jon. Dany gulped and bit her lip.

“We were all very sorry to hear about your loss, cousin. He was a good man,” Jon said, covering for Aegon’s mistake.

“Aegon, you remember the recent loss of Lady Alarra’s betrothed,” Dany added.  

“Oh, I… I’d forgotten,” he stammered, eyes wide with embarrassment. “Please, please accept my apologies and condolences. I am so sorry. Truly sorry.”

“Thank you, Your Graces,” Alarra replied more solemnly than before. “My parents thought it would be good for me to stay in the city for bit. Change of scenery. I’m due to visit Starfall next.”

“Well, we always welcome you here, Alarra,” Dany said sympathetically.

They returned to their table after that. Rhaegar gave a thoughtful speech, welcoming their guests and, of course, Ellyna's. Then the dancing commenced. As the people moved about the floor, Aegon focused hard on the crowd. On one face in it, at least.

“She’s quite pretty, isn’t she,” Dany leaned over and whispered to Aegon.

“Lady Ellyna? Yes, and the dress you lent was an excellent…”

“Alarra,” she corrected. Aegon’s face instantly dropped over the realization.

“Dany, I’m so sorry. I forgot myself. I didn’t mean to… I don’t know what came over me.” 

“You can’t help what you see sometimes, Aegon,” she replied reassuringly.  _ None of us can _ .

She took his hand with a friendly grin. Aegon lifted their clasped hands and placed a kiss on hers, but Dany saw him flash a glance towards the Starks’ table. When she turned back ahead, Dany could see that Jon was looking at her out of her peripheral. Why? What was he waiting for her to do or say? Had he noticed Aegon’s infatuation with Alarra, too? He must have. Anyone around them would have noticed that.  _ He’s looking for a crack _ , Dany thought. For a break in their marriage’s loving facade. She finally turned to face him with a cheerful look.  _ Everything is fine, Jon _ , she thought,  _ as always _ . 

“What do you say to getting some fresh air,” Dany spoke up, breaking the tension, “I could use some.” 

“Sounds good,” Jon agreed. Aegon remarked on how he was more than happy to not have to dance. 

So, the four of them exited to the balcony. The night air was cool and the sound of the waves could be heard even over the music and commotion inside. It was peaceful; would be calming. Dany thought of how it was having the four of them together. Ellyna appeared to fit in perfectly, even making a friendly impression on Aegon. She thought of how nice it felt. Or rather how nice it should've felt. But, with all the secrets between them, she couldn't ignore how wrong it all seemed. 

“Lady Ellyna,” Aegon said, “has Jon given you a tour of the grounds? We spent our lives running all around the castle. There's much to see.” 

“I've seen some, yes.”

He pointed out to the large expanse of greenery below, and Dany felt herself tense up.

“That down there is the most beautiful flower maze. It rivals anything they grow in The Reach, if you ask me. It takes some time, but if you follow it to the middle, there’s a nice, secluded garden patch. You can’t see it from here, it's so hidden. But, it has a tree, seating and a swing. We would run through it often and go on that swing.”

Aegon had stopped going with Dany and Jon so long ago. His memories of the garden were childlike. He only remembered he young princes and princess who would hide from each other in the hedges and jump out to scare each other as children did. It had a far different significance to Dany. 

“Jon,” he said, patting his brother on the shoulder, “I can’t believe you haven’t shown it to her yet. It’s a very romantic spot.” 

_ Because that’s our place _ , Dany angrily thought. She caught herself surprised by her own reaction. 

“It’s all overgrown now,” Jon replied dismissively, “It’s not the same anymore. Unfortunately.”

“That  _ is _ unfortunate,” Dany added.

Something in their words must have tipped Aegon off. He looked at the expressions between the two as if he knew there was an unspoken truth in their responses. 

“That’s a shame then,” he sighed before standing upright. “Well, I’m going to head back inside now, if that’s alright.”

“Of course,” Dany smiled, placing a kiss on his cheek. 

_ Crack _ . Their exterior continued to splinter even through their smiles. Once he was gone, Dany, again, diverted the subject to Ellyna.

“Ellyna, you seem much happier now, if you don't mind me saying. More at ease.”

“Do I?” Ellyna glanced over to Jon then back to Dany. “I suppose I do feel more comfortable here than I did before. And I got what I wanted from home. Finally.”

“I'm happy to hear that. I’m also glad that your brother was able to make it.”

“Oh, yes. I know you aren't supposed to pick favorites, but he's certainly my favorite brother by far. The one I'm closest to. He knows everything about me.”

“Everyone develops their favorites; siblings or friends, whichever. It's only natural.”

Dany deliberately avoided eye contact with Jon as she spoke. 

“What was it like growing up here,” Ellyna questioned as she looked over the palace grounds, “It's a bit overwhelming to me now. I cannot imagine how it would be for a child.”

“It didn't seem overwhelming. Not in size, at least,” Jon said. Dany added on.

“Lots of places to explore. You have to explore as a child here in order to fight boredom and rigidity. Otherwise you start doing things to get yourself into trouble.”

“Do you remember when we hid the maester’s tools,” he asked her.

“You mean when  _ you _ hid them by yourself, Jon.”

“I mean when I took the full blame for it, as I always did, so you wouldn't get scolded.”

“I have no idea what you're speaking of. I never once stepped out of line as a girl,” Dany laughed.

“I seem to recall you putting incredibly hot spices into your tutor’s tea when she made you upset. The woman couldn't feel her tongue for days. Couldn't save you from that backlash.”

“That's funny because I don't recall that, at all. Perhaps it was a different Daenerys. I would never,” she said innocently.

“Don't listen to her, Ellyna. She was every bit as fiery as one could imagine.”

“Was that not part of my charm, though?”

“It  _ is _ ,” he answered, “And, I’d never want that fire dimmed.”

_ Bold _ , Dany thought. But, she couldn't stop the warm feeling his words brought her. It almost felt like old times. Older, simpler times. She'd almost let herself forget that Ellyna was with them.

“You two seem as if you were especially close growing up,” Ellyna laughed at their banter.

“We were,” Dany replied, smiling at Jon.

“Still are,” he said. Dany’s grin softened slightly.

“Yes.” Dany blinked herself back to the present. “Let’s get back inside. They probably miss their honored guest by now.”

The doors opened, and Ellyna entered first. As Dany walked ahead of Jon, he placed his hand softly on her waist, guiding her in. The act was unintentional, absent-minded, but his touch again sent that familiar surge through Dany. Such a trivial act somehow brought her back to the garden. Back to being in his arms and feeling his hands on her.

They stopped walking and held each other's gaze, leaving something between them. Jon recovered, going to slide his hand away. As he did, Dany's fingers brushed over his, taking a second to hold his hand against her before she let it go. She would’ve held him there longer if she could have. They caught themselves, realizing that they were inside, plain for Aegon to see from their table.

Aegon wasn't at the table, though. He wouldn't have seen them, at all. Not while he was dancing. Dancing with Alarra by the looks of it. He was as bumbly and uncoordinated on the floor as ever. But, he laughed and smiled so brightly. Brighter than ever before. So did Alarra. 

“Oh, Prince Aegon is dancing out there,” Ellyna remarked.

“He is,” Dany said plainly, watching the pair closely.

“I thought he hated dancing,” she laughed.

“He does.”

Their exterior cracked further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story Notes:
> 
> \- Just want to get this out of the way first before any assumptions are made. Ellyna and her brother are NOT romantically involved, at all. No Lannister twins here.
> 
> \- "Alarra Stark? Who the hell is that?" Yes, you notice that this Stark lineup isn't the same as in canon. That's because I'm using a nearly-completely alternate timeline. In this timeline where Lyanna is not "kidnapped" but rather marries Rhaegar publicly, Rickard and Brandon Stark don't go to King's Landing and get murdered trying to retrieve her. If Brandon doesn't die, he marries Catelyn like he was supposed to. That leaves good ole Ned single. 
> 
> You also may have noted that Alarra is strikingly beautiful with purple eyes and a Dornish mother. That's Ashara Dayne, who does not commit suicide following her brother, Arthur's, Tower of Joy death in this timeline. So, yes, this is implied Ned x Ashara, and she is their daughter. I have no real tie to the ship, but always thought that it'd be interesting to play with the "What ifs?" of it. 
> 
> *jazz hands* hypothetical Starks.
> 
>  
> 
> Update Schedule:
> 
> Life was not a kind lady to me this past month, so it was very hard to get chapter completed and up. BUT, thankfully, I have nearly the entire rest of the story finished now. Here is the posting schedule, because chapters are coming out much more frequently now.
> 
> Chapter 6- 8/11-early morning 8/12  
> Chapter 7- 8/12 evening-night  
> Chapter 8- Next week/weekend  
> Chapter 9- Weekend of the 24th  
> Chapter 10- Weekend of the 31st
> 
> Chapters 7,8, and 9 offer answers to the question marks of 1-6. I'm really excited for chapter 9. I finished writing 8 and 9 and really like the character interactions in those. Trying to follow the narrative pattern of the show's season, that is the climax and the spiciest chapter, imo. lol. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you again for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon and Ellyna bond over her stories from home. Lyanna and Jon have an important heart-to-heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, I don't think this chapter published last night when I posted it. People were asking if I'd put it up. Just in case, I deleted it and am reposting now. Hopefully, it shows up this time. Chapter 7 is still on track for tonight!

_JON_

He dreamed of her again.

It was less of a dream and more of a distorted memory. They were back in his bedroom. The scene looked just as it did when he was sick as a boy and she snuck in to visit. However, they were adults; not the children from before. She sat on the edge of his bed, her hand gently touching his face, and smiled. So beautifully.

But, as she smiled at him, a tear fell down her cheek. Try as he could, he couldn't lift his hand to wipe it away. So, she only continued to smile at him, crying. And he watched helplessly.

Jon had a hard time shaking the dream when he awoke.

Dreams of her became more frequent. Some, like that one, were painful. Ones where she was somehow just out of reach. Other, however, were kinder. Loving. Visions of their life if they'd run away. But, he wasn't sure if those were any more pleasant than the nightmares.

Jon left his room early that morning to clear his head. The daily routines were just beginning as he roamed around. In a courtyard, he was surprised to find Ellyna sitting on the grassy ground beneath a large, shade tree. She hadn't fully dressed for the day with her hair still loose and unstyled and still wearing her robe. Her knees were folded to her chest, and she was busy scribbling away on her writing set. He walked over and sat near her, but she didn’t even notice him until he spoke.

“It’s becoming difficult to envision you without your writing instruments in hand.”

She instinctively covered her words until she realized it was Jon and laughed, embarrassed.

“I do write a lot, don't I?”

“It's not a bad thing,” Jon said. “Why are you out here, though? Seems like your desk would be better for this.”

“In all honesty, sometimes my room feels constricting. It's calming to be out here instead.”

“I take it that this is another letter. Which friend is this one going to?”

“Mara. Her name day is soon.”

“Mara again. She must have a room full of letters from you by now,” Jon joked, “Your closest friend, I’m guessing.”

“She is. _Absolutely_. I've known her my entire life. We’ve never been separated before.”

“You must miss her a lot then.”

Ellyna went silent. Pensively, she looked down at the grass. Her expression was suddenly solemn, and she seemed to become lost in thought. Jon immediately regretted his comment as it had obviously stirred up something unfortunate.

“Of course,” Ellyna finally answered. “It was very hard to leave her. Even harder than leaving my family. She's always been there with me through everything, good or bad. Always had each other’s support when life grew hard. She's good at helping me find direction when I feel lost. And, I’ve felt lost often, I can tell you. We hadn’t left on the best terms last I saw her. So, it feels so good to regularly hear from her now, even if only through letters. I enjoy everyone here, of course. There’s no denying that. It's just difficult not having Mara at my side anymore. I could _really_ use having her at my side again.”

“That's why you write her so often.”

“That's why I write,” she nodded, a smile returning to her face.

 _There she is_ , Jon thought. Ellyna had grown more open in her time there as she grew closer to everyone. But, when she spoke of Mara, that felt to be the truest version of her that he’d seen yet. No carefully chosen words to appease him. He couldn’t help but imagine what kind of person Mara must have been to have this effect. She must have been someone special for Ellyna to hold her in such hard regard.

“If her name day is coming up, perhaps you could send for her to visit. I'm sure you'd appreciate the company.”

“I would, but… I don't think it'd be a good idea,” Ellyna shook her head, “She wouldn't like King’s Landing very much. She's too much of a Riverlands girl.”

“Can't fault her for that. This place isn't for everyone.”

“No, it's not, is it?” As if a sudden happy memory hit her, she excitedly went on. “But, she would have enjoyed the welcome feast, though. She’s always liked social gatherings more than I ever have, and even I had fun. She would have danced a lot. She _certainly_ would have loved my dress. Green is her absolute favorite color.”

“Really? I would’ve thought that it was yours. You always wear it.”

“Blue,” she remarked with a soft laugh. “ _That’s_ my favorite, actually.”

“Blue. Then I’ve learned something new about you.”

They smiled at each other again. This absolutely was a different Ellyna.

“I'm quite fond of blue, myself,” a woman's voice said, startling both of them.

Lyanna approached, a peaceful grin on her face as she looked at them. Ellyna immediately stood to bow to her, but Lyanna stopped her, placing a hand on her shoulder. Lyanna had always been as comfortable being a royal as Jon was.

“Everyone is out early today, it seems,” Jon said.

“I always take a morning stroll. You’re abnormal sight this morning.” She peeked at the pages in Ellyna’s lap. “Your handwriting is beautiful, Lady Ellyna. Far better than mine when I was young. My nan would have loved you for writing that nicely.”

“Thank you, My Queen,” Ellyna nervously replied.

“If I'm not interrupting, could I have a word with Jon?”

“Nothing serious,” Jon questioned. She shook her head.

They excused themselves from Ellyna and walked off, finding a bench to sit on. It had been some time since he’d had moments alone with his mother, and he admittedly missed those moments. He loved both of his parents, but he always felt closest to his mother. He was born into the life and obligations of royalty. She was not and never had an aspiration for it. So if anyone knew how out-of-place he felt, it was Lyanna. But, he knew that this talk wasn't for catching up with each other.

“Forgive me, but I get the sense that this meeting isn’t random.”

“I asked where you were this morning. I was told that you were here and came to find you,” she confessed, “It’s been weeks now that Lady Ellyna has been here. It seems like more than enough time to decide on a wife. When should we expect an announcement to be made?”

Jon rolled his eyes and laughed, slightly annoyed.

“Father sent you, didn’t he?”

“He didn’t have to send me. We’re all wondering the same, though he did encourage me to ask. I know I have a better chance at getting an answer out of you.”

“Do you? Well, my answer is that I never gave anyone a time limit. I’m not ready for a decision. Neither is Ellyna.”

He was expecting further prying. Further pushback. More interrogation to pressure him into coming up with a decision. But, Lyanna only shrugged her shoulders.

“Alright,” Lyanna said plainly.

“That's it? You're not going to press me any more to know why?”

“No, you have good reasons, I'm sure. We don’t have to talk about it anymore.”

Jon narrowed his eyes suspiciously before accepting Lyanna’s response. She looked out over the courtyard at the ornate fountains and chuckled.

“I remember watching you as a child, playing right there with Daenerys and Aegon. I had to stop you all from trying to climb into the fountain. Aegon listened to me but not you. You jumped in anyway and didn't care about what you were or weren't supposed to do. I scolded you for it, of course. But, I secretly admired that carefree spirit. I should have known that no son of mine would ever fall so easily in line.”

Jon smirked at his mother and she returned a matching one to him. She searched his eyes for a moment before she spoke again.

“Daenerys was always the same way,” Lyanna began. Jon froze and gulped quietly, taken aback by the mention. “You two were always different than Aegon, who so sweet and mindful. And obedient. If you jumped in the fountain, she’d jump right in with you. And you would both laugh as you were being disciplined for it. Neither one of you a had a care in the world then. Kindred spirits.”

“Yes,” was all Jon said. Lyanna had no issue reading him, he knew that.

“She changed when she married, didn’t she? More like Aegon, less like you. They became every bit the royals that you didn’t want to be.” Jon didn’t respond. “You don’t have to tell me. I know that’s why you became so angry. You lost two companions when they wed, and you were alone. Your defiance wasn’t carefree then. It was spiteful.”

“I was angry at a system that put out her fire for the sake of an arranged marriage,” Jon blurted out, “I refuse to dim another woman, to subdue myself even, for the sake of a marital obligation.”

“Daenerys does seem happy, but she’s unfortunately lost a spark in her, I admit. And I do miss it. However, marriage doesn’t automatically have to subdue you or Ellyna. Turn you into a grinning shadow of yourself.”

“Any marriage would dim me now.”

“Why?”

“Because I won’t be happy in it. I know I won’t be. Not anymore. The least I can do not put a loveless marriage on someone else.”

Lyanna looked at him curiously again, and Jon grew worried. Had he said to much in his frustration? Did she know of whom he was speaking of? Maybe she did know. Maybe she’d known all along. He couldn’t fully decipher, but he wished that he could take his words back. Make them a secret once more. Instead of asking more about it, though, she placed her hand on his face in the loving and caring way that only a mother could.

“As your queen, I would urge you to pursue and solidify what appears to be a good marriage match for you. As your mother…”

“As my mother?”

“As your mother, I would urge you to never dim yourself. Always keep your fire, whether in marriage or not.” She paused. “And I would encourage you to pursue whatever – or whomever– it is that does ignite you. That brings back my carefree and spirited son.”

“Even if it’s complicated?”

“I trust you’ll find a way to figure it out,” she said standing up, “I won’t question you anymore about Ellyna or your arrangement. I know you’ll do what’s best.”

She kissed his cheek and left him to think on her words. And he did as he looked at those fountains. _If you jumped in the fountain, she’d jump in right with you_. She was right. She was right in every way that he didn’t want her to be. He and Dany had always been that way with each other, willing to ignore what they were told to do, to be, if the other would, too. If he’d listened to his heart, thrown their obligations to the wind and gone through with his plan to run away, she would have been right there with him. Even when her engagement was announced, they could've runaway then, but he refused it.   
  
"It should have been you, Jon. I wish it were you." That felt like the last true thing that Dany said to him before she became Aegon's wife. A proper shadow of herself.  
  
_I helped her dim her fire when I pushed her away_.

He knew that thought would plague his dreams again that night. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aegon has met his match. With Aegon preoccupied, Dany and Jon return to their garden. As their bond pulls them back closer, Dany addresses hard truths about her marriage. Later, Jon receives a troubling late night notice regarding Ellyna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three POVs this chapter, so it's pretty long.

_AEGON_

Aegon watched her delicate hand hover over the board, deciding on her next move. Whatever her next move was would surely beat him, but, in all honesty, he didn’t mind it. It was nice to play it with her for old times sake. Sure enough, she finished the game with one move.

“It appears that I’ve won this one, Prince Aegon,” Alarra grinned proudly as she sat back in her chair.

“It appears so,” he laughed. “It has been a long time since I’ve played this. I only need more practice.”

“More practice than I’ve already offered you in all this time? I manage to win still.”

It’s true. Since the feast, Alarra stayed in the city. Lyanna offered for her to stay at the palace. But Alarra decided against it, staying in an inn nearby. Still, Aegon would visit her nearly every day that he had free time and wasn’t preoccupied with affairs of the crown.

He at first would find silly excuses to go see her. A message from Jon that he’d conveniently forget by the time he reached her door. A book he found interesting. Finally, he settled on a board game rematch. And with that, he had regular visits all to continue their game, he’d say.

“I wanted to thank you,” she spoke as he packed up the board and pieces.

“For what?”

“I needed this. Some time when my most pressing thought is strategizing for a friendly game. It’s nice.”

A rush of embarrassment overcame Aegon again as he remembered his remark about her mourning dress.

“I cannot apologize enough for my careless and absent-minded comments at the feast.”

“You apologize every conversation we have. It’s certainly enough. I assure you that you’re more than forgiven,” Alarra smiled. “You have made up for it in good company, Your Grace.”

“I’m thankful that I could be of some help to you,” he gulped.

“He was sick for some time, you know,” Alarra began. Aegon stopped packing, giving her his full attention. “He spent much of his final time preparing me for his death. Reassuring me even. He wouldn’t let me mope about it as much as I wanted to, and I thank him for doing that now. I’ve learned a great number of lessons in his death. We must always remember those lost but we cannot dwell too deeply in the past. Not when there is life ahead of us. Don’t you think?”

Aegon nodded.

“I mourn him. I always will to some extent. But, he wouldn’t have wanted me to stake myself in ghost. I can only truly honor him by living on.”

“That’s wise. And brave.”

“It’s hardly brave, Your Grace. We in the North endure many hardships. It’s only in our nature to weather our burden. Forge armor with it.”

He gave her a warm, half-smile, one that she mirrored. She was set to leave for Dorne that next day, and something about that saddened him. He wanted to tell her to stay at least a few more days. Suggest that she took her aunt’s offer and resided in the palace instead of that inn. And while she was there, they could spend more time together. Was he selfish in wanting that of her? He wasn’t sure. Perhaps he was. So, he said nothing else.

“I suppose I should leave you now,” Aegon stood. As she readied to leave, Alarra captured his hand. Though they both seemed shocked by her action, looking into each other’s eyes, he made no move to pull his hand away.

“I… I do wish that you wouldn’t. Wouldn’t leave, I mean. Maybe one more round?”

“Of course. I can stay longer if it’s your wish,” he answered her quietly and nervously, “It’s my wish to, as well, My Lady.”

Aegon unpacked the game and sat back down.

He told himself that couldn’t even entertain the thought of beginning anything with her. But, he couldn’t deny that he liked the way she looked at him. He liked the way that their companionship never felt forced. That it felt like she truly wanted to be with him, even in simple, mundane moments, and he wanted to be with her. If he was being truthful, the feelings he had around Alarra were foreign to him. So foreign that he wasn’t sure what to make of them or do with them. A guilty thought crossed his mind.

_This is what it’s supposed to feel like. Isn’t it?_

********

_DAENERYS_

Dany sat in the study, lounging on a sofa by the fire. The halls were quiet with most having settled in for the night. Aegon had not returned home yet. In fact, he’d spent a lot of time away recently. Sometimes working. Mostly going into the city. It didn’t take much guessing to gather why his city visits had become so frequent.

She didn’t think too hard on his activities, though. Wrapped in her robes, she stared into the flames, entranced as if they were a heartbeat. As if they were the most beautiful things she’d seen. Fire was angry and passionate and warm. She looked into it wondering how something that danced so wildly could be so easily contained by the stone of the fireplace walls.

Suddenly, breaking her from her trance was the sound of something being moved behind her. She poked her head up over the back of the chair to see Jon grabbing a book, his back to her. Based on his lounging clothes he was also planning on settling in.

“I can never escape you, can I,” Dany joked. He jumped at the sound of her voice, but they both laughed when he saw her.

“I suppose not when we both grew up here. We’ve got the same hiding places.”

She glanced down at the chalice and large bottle in his hand as he walked to over to the sofa.

“What have you got there?”

“Wine. I swiped it from the cellar. I was just going to have a glass. Or two.”

“Or three? Four,” she smirked. He laughed again, poured a serving into the cup. “You could share, you know.”

“With you? I thought you weren’t allowed to drink anymore.”

“Then we won't let anyone find me,” she grinned mischievously.

Jon was suspicious, she could tell, but he handed her the cup of wine anyway. They passed the drink between them until it was gone then poured another. Whatever the wine was, it was better than any that Dany could ever remember having. Or maybe it wasn’t so special. Maybe the wine didn’t taste as good as casually drinking it with Jon felt.

“You know we can't guarantee that no one will see you drinking here. Who knows who could be lurking around tonight?”

“Oh, I’m sure. Lurking around, stealing wine bottles all for himself,” she chuckled.

Dany took a large gulp. She shouldn’t suggest it, she thought. The place itself was innocent enough. Well-hidden. There was nothing truly wrong with suggesting it as somewhere to be away from prying eyes. But, suggesting it felt like an invitation for something else. Perhaps it was the wine which made her not care anymore.  

“Maybe we should go to the garden,” she replied softly. Jon’s eyes shifted to her then to the fire.

“It’s overgrown. Remember?”

“No, it’s not,” she said, “I know it isn’t. It’s tended to the same as the rest of the plants.”

His gaze went back to her. She knew that he was lying at the feast. She knew why he was lying. Dany stood, slightly wobbling, and reached her hand out to him. After a pause, he took it and she pulled him up. He got up too quickly, nearly toppling onto Dany before she caught him.  

“Don’t spill the wine,” she teased slyly.

“The wine is safe,” Jon said, lingering in her arms for too long, before standing upright, “Let’s go.”

They snuck through the halls, snickering as they peered around corners. Just as they had when they were young. Cutting through back passage ways to not get spotted. In truth, they probably didn’t need to sneak around as they were. But, there was something fun and almost exciting about hiding with Jon. Hurrying through the maze as quickly as their drunken feet could take them, laughing all the while.

When they finally reached the garden, it was as if time had stopped. Every flower was the same. Every piece of furniture. Maybe even every blade of grass was as it was when they visited last. Despite the chill in the night air, it somehow felt warmer there than anywhere else.

The wine continued to pour. They reminisced on old stories. Funny stories. Played games that encouraged them to drink more. Though they were guaranteed to not be seen, their laughs could be heard from far out of the maze. Dany couldn’t recall the last time she felt that free; that happy. But one thing was certain, one thing that she couldn’t help but admit to herself. Whenever that last carefree time was, she knew it must have been with Jon.

“I missed you when you were gone, Jon,” Dany said as she sprawled out on her chest on the bench. Her head rested on her folded arms. “I've missed moments like this. Doing nothing with you feels like doing everything.”

“I missed this, too. All of it. It's been too long.”

Jon sat on the ground beside her, his back against the bench as he poured more wine. A few of his curls hung near her hand. Absentmindedly, she lifted a finger and let a piece wrap around it. It was as soft as she'd remembered and she would've spent the whole night running her hands through it if she could. She hadn't realized that Jon had stopped what he was doing and felt her touch. She quickly recoiled her hand away.

“Could I ask you something,” Jon said with seriousness. She sat up, both concerned and awaiting his question.

“Of course.”

“You mentioned before why you couldn’t have wine. Because you need an heir. Are you… are you worried about drinking this much? That it could hurt the chances of having a child?” To Jon’s shock, Dany burst into laughter.

“Wine is not the cause, Jon. It’s much simpler than that,” she said. “We only tried once. On our wedding night for the bedding ceremony. That’s all.”   

“What do you mean?”

“We don’t have sex. That’s why there’s no heir. That’s our grand secret.” She took a gulp from the cup to accentuate the point. “And the maesters think it’s wine.”

“Why don’t you?”

“I don’t know, Jon. Because I don’t _want_ to. Because _he_ doesn’t want to. I don’t know anymore. We just don’t. Maybe someday.”

She felt herself become flush with growing anger. Not at Jon but at her own answers. At her own life. Years of building frustration boiling over a cup of wine. Jon gazed at her sadly.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You were the reason why I wanted Ellyna to have a choice. Because of what I see in you and in Aegon. If she wants to stay with me, if I want to stay with her, then fine, we’ll marry. But, she will not be stuck with me, unhappy, because she has to.”

“That’s very sweet of you, Jon, as I’ve told you before. But, my marriage is fine. Obviously.”

“Where is Aegon tonight?”

Dany bit her lip and looked down at the empty cup in her hands. She scoffed at that, but she didn’t have to answer Jon. He knew as well as she did.

“I should be upset, shouldn’t I? I should be angry.” Dany drunkenly laughed and shook her fist with feigned anger. “I am his _wife_ . He is my _husband_. How dare he?”

“Dany…”

“We were good at keeping up appearances. We can continue doing so.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s what we do. Because my whole life, I’ve been told that it would be Aegon and me and eventually the throne, and that was just how it was supposed to be. No matter what, it would always be _Aegon_ and _me_.”

“Even when it was you and me?

“Ev–”

She stopped herself, unable to say the words. All of the lies she’d grown accustomed to telling, she couldn’t bring herself to say that one, even in frustration. Dany instead sat back down on the bench, returning to her calm. Jon knelt in front her meeting her at eye level and not breaking his stare.

“Dany, you and Aegon both deserve better than this false life of yours. You both may have been convinced that this is simply how it is. I convinced myself of the same thing. But, we can only lie so much.” She tried to look away from him, but he turned her face back to him and asked her pointedly. “What has been real? Since you married, what has even been real for you?”

“This,” she answered quietly, “This right now. Tonight was real.”

Dany didn’t want to say that out loud. Not because it wasn’t true but because it was. It was truer than anything she was ready to acknowledge. But, she said it. Without thinking, they leaned in, touching their foreheads together, keeping their eyes closed. They were close; too close. Jon’s hand on the sides of Dany’s face began caressing her cheek. She could feel her heart beating through her chest.

She ran her fingers over his lips, remembering the feeling and taste of them against hers. The way they parted slightly as she touched them. All it would've taken would have been a small tilt of the head and she could taste those lips again. The warmth of his breath almost beckoned her. He shifted his body, bringing him closer between her legs.

 _No one would ever know if we did this_ , she found herself thinking. _It would only be once_.

But, she knew that wasn't the truth. She knew that it would never only be once. Biting her lip and using every bit of inner strength she had, she pushed back from him. Locking her eyes with his, she smoothed her hand over his face and he knew.

“That was a lot, wasn’t it,” Jon sighed. Dany nodded. He dropped his head, his breath coming back to him. “I’m sorry.”

“So am I” she whispered. “Let's head back now.”

They walked back through the maze far less festive than when they entered it. Any effects of the wine had long worn off by then. She walked slightly ahead of Jon, silent on the outside. But her mind raced as wildly as that fire, thoughts coming at her faster than she could process.

 _Why_ , she asked herself, _I didn’t want to stop. Why did I?_

_Did Aegon stop with Alarra?_

_Why should I be the moral compass?_

_Why are we doing this?_

She didn’t have any answers to any of it. All she had was silence all the way back to the corridor by Jon’s room. Dany turned to face him, their expressions both undecipherable. She wanted to tell him that he was right. He was right about it all and that she had never had anyone tell her what she’d felt in her heart for so long. That she was confused. And mostly that she didn’t want to stop. But, she didn’t.

“Goodnight, Dany,” Jon finally said earnestly.

Before they could separate, Dany cupped both of her hands around his. Her eyes closed as she brought his hand to her lips, clasping it tightly as if for the last time. She kissed it softly and placed it against his chest. With a wordless nod, she stepped back.

Jon reached out to grab her hand again, but she pushed it away. Looking deep in his eyes, she turned around and walked quickly, disappearing down the hall. Leaving Jon alone.

 

********

_JON_

Jon could still feel the warmth of her lips on his hand as he sat in his bedroom. He worried that he’d put too much on her for one night. He wanted to regret even bringing up his thoughts on her marriage. Regret that he hadn’t simply left it to drinking games and laughter. He couldn’t regret it, though. She didn’t need to hear more lies; not from him.

A knock against the door sent him hurrying across the room, thinking it was her. Thinking that she'd changed her mind. But, he was both disappointed and taken aback when he saw an attendant, standing before him. The man had a stern look on his face.

“What is it? It's late,” Jon groaned.

“Your Grace,” he responded, producing a letter, “This was retrieved from Lady Ellyna’s room.”

Jon took the note and read it carefully. His lips pursed as he examined it, taking in every word. His eyes shifted up to meet his attendant.

“This is her personal correspondence. Why did you take this?”

“I thought that you would need to see it. Considering your arrangement with her, after all.”

Jon sighed as he looked over the stolen letter again. Dismayed that it would come to this.

“Please send for Lady Ellyna.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, boy! I cannot thank you guys enough for the response last chapter, both on here and on Tumblr, and just in general. I'm working on responding to everybody tonight. As always, thank you guys so much for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon learns the truth about Ellyna and both have a decision to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two person POV chapter.

_ DAENERYS _

The feeling was too overwhelming to be contained in a room. Dany hadn't retired after her time with Jon. Too many thoughts would have gone through her head as she laid in her empty room and empty bed.

It felt good. Being with Jon felt better than she wanted to admit. She was scared to admit it. She found herself lost in thoughts of alternatives. What if she had kissed him? Would they have left that moment, disappeared in the night to some far off land? Leave Aegon to return home to his wife and brother missing? The kingdom waking up to the scandal of it all as she and Jon sailed away. Dany didn’t want to entertain the thought, but she couldn’t help wondering as much as it frightened her.  

Just as she was nearing a courtyard, however, she caught a glimpse of something that froze her. She ducked behind a hedge wall, before they could notice her, peering around to see Jon and Ellyna alone on a balcony above. Dany looked on confusedly as it was too late for any kind of formal meeting. They were too far away to hear their low-spoken words, but they stood closely together as they talked. At first, their faces were serious. Ellyna looked nervous even as she spoke, avoiding eye contact with Jon. He eventually propped himself up on one arm, turning his whole body to face her. It was only after then that she finally looked to him.

Jon placed his hand on top of hers, speaking something to her. After that, Ellyna soon smiled in a way that she hadn't seen the girl smile since her arrival. There was such a sense of ease in her expression. Then she hugged Jon tightly, palpable excitement emanating from her as she gripped onto his shirt. When they pulled apart, Ellyna's soft eyes stared into Jon’s and he gave a kind grin. Dany watched as Ellyna touched her hand softly to Jon’s cheek.  

He handed her a letter, which she gently pressed against her heart. As she walked away she turned to say something with another contented grin, and Jon returned one with a nod. Dany turned away from them, her back against the wall.  

When Dany was young, after her mother died, she remembered feeling sadness and anger so strongly and wholly that it didn’t manifest in tears or yelling. It only resulted in a quiet and blank acceptance. Acceptance that her mother was gone. Acceptance that her life would always have that gaping hole left in it, and that was just how it would be. How it was supposed to be.

She felt a similar blankness again. The loving looks on their faces. The way he comforted her, and the way she touched him. It looked right.  _ They _ looked right together. Looked far better than two secret lovers stealing away in the night and leaving everyone else behind to clean up the complicated mess they caused. Running away was as ridiculous and selfish of a thought then as it was when they were younger. She was Aegon’s, even if he was elsewhere. And she could see in that moment more than ever that Jon would be Ellyna’s after all. All would be as it was planned to be. Uncomplicated if unfair.

_ Alright. It's alright _ , Dany thought with acceptance.  _ This is how it has to be. It's finished. _

 

********

_ ELLYNA _

_ I thought about you today. I know that's silly to say as I think of you every day, but something about today was special. _

Ellyna’s heart raced as she checked in every corner of her bedroom. The letter was missing. She tore her room apart in search of it, but it wasn’t there. She’d never sealed it or given it to any messenger. It was simply gone. Or taken.

_ One of the ladies made mention of preparing a fish, and it reminded me of our adventure. Do you remember it? _

_ We thought we could live in the woods and survive on our fishing skills. We planned everything out. Making a home, wear clothes made of leaves. But, we didn’t factor in that, although we could catch a fish, neither of us knew how to prepare one. We spent hours on the scales alone.   _

Her concern was heightened when she received a late night summons from Jon. The man who called for her was stern-faced and intimidating as he very curtly demanded that she follow him. She insisted on changing out of her night clothes, but he was adamant that no time was wasted. She adhered obediently to his request.

_ But, it was nice, wasn't it? The one night we did spend out there. So cold and hungry, but we had each other. We had each other to hold. To reassure that even though we wouldn’t make it in the wilderness, we at least had that one night to be together as we wanted to be. I miss that night now and every other time I held you. I miss you. _

_ The worst part of this all – my being in King’s Landing – is being without you. I know you've said that it will improve, and it very much has. The princes and princess are still kind as I’ve said and have tried to make this a home for me. But, how can it truly be a home to me when you are not here? I think of a life without you, and I don’t know if it’s a life I can live. No matter how much father wishes it for me. I could be promised to a prince, a good-hearted one at that, but it’s nothing if it means I can never be with you again. _

_ Whatever happens just know that you have always been my choice and always will be. Nothing and no one will ever replace you. _

_ With my love always, _

_ E _

The man was deathly silent as she walked behind him, her mind swirling with thoughts of what the purpose of this meeting was. They were not married yet, she thought. He could not punish her for infidelity when they were not married. Or was it different when royalty was concerned?

“Jon wouldn't,” she mouthed quietly to herself.

Jon was a kind man. He wouldn't do anything cruel to her. That much she knew for certain. From the moment she arrived he'd always been understanding towards her. He couldn't have had any part in her missing letter and could very well not know of its existence. She was simply overthinking. Still, she couldn't shake the fear she felt as they trudged along.

What if the call wasn’t really from Jon?

What if it was some sort of a trap in place to get rid of her?

A number of terrifying scenarios played out for Ellyna as she was led to an open walkway. But, her fears of a trap dissipated as she saw Jon leaning against the balcony. Yet, his face was unreadable as she approached him.

“Thank you,” Jon said, dismissing the man without so much as turning to look at him.

With one more glare at Ellyna, the attendant left them alone. After a few breaths and hesitation, she went to stand next to Jon. He silently looked out over the courtyard as Ellyna waited for any kind of explanation for it all.  _ He may not know about the letter _ , she reminded herself. If she remained unassuming and neutral, she wouldn’t bring any suspicion to herself and whatever was going on could be easily sorted out.

“It's not as warm tonight as it usually is, is it,” Jon finally asked after a bit. Conversation about the weather. Ellyna was even more confused. “I hope you're not cold. I'd offer a cloak if I had one.” 

“No, I'm not cold,” she replied.

“Of course not. It gets colder than this in the Riverlands.” Ellyna tensed at the mention of her home. “Do you remember when we first met back at Raventree Hall? When our fathers introduced us. I remember thinking I'd never seen anyone so seemingly terrified to speak to me in my life. To even interact with me.”

“You were, admittedly, the first prince I'd ever met.”

“Still, you were so quiet and polite that it was almost unnerving.”

“I didn't intend to unnerve you.”

“I don't mean it as an offense. I only mean that there has always been a layer about you that I wasn't allowed to know. Something deep-seeded that stopped me from seeing you. The real you. I think I've gotten glimpses from time to time, but I don't think I've ever met her.”

“I apologize, but it seems quite late to summon me for reflections,” she asked cautiously. “Have I done something wrong?”

Jon sighed, ready to come clean on the cause of his call. He took a folded letter from his pocket and showed it to her. She needed no further explanation of what it was or why he was calling on her. Ellyna looked at Jon, her expression painted with betrayal and hurt which she hadn’t experienced with him prior.

“This was stolen from your room and given to me.”

“That was for my friend,” she said, her voice weak.

“I know. They took it at their own will. Know that I did not ask them to. But, I did read it.”

She searched through her memory, recalling every word of the letter. There was no other way to explain it. No other reason why a letter with such content would be written if not to express love. She'd been explicit in that. Still, she had to try and excuse it.

“It isn't what it looks like,” she quickly blurted out.

“Ellyna.”

“We only speak like that to each other as friends. Nothing more. I would never...”

“ _ Ellyna _ .”

“I'm sorry.” Her eyes stung with tears as she confessed. “I shouldn't have written any of that.”

That wasn't completely true. She perhaps should have apologized for not being more careful about the letter. Maybe apologized for not being truthful. But, it wasn't the letter or the words in it that she wished she could take back.

“This,” Jon said, holding her letter up again, “This will happen again. People sneaking around, searching your belongings when you don't know. Searching for something they can further ostracize you with or worse. You're an outsider to them. You always will be. I am not telling you this out of anger towards you or to force you away. But, I want you to know that this would be your life here. This would be your life with me. As my wife, these kinds of letters would be dangerous and writing them would jeopardize your life even. They would have me prevent you from writing them all together; from expressing these kinds of feelings to the recipient.”

“I know,” she replied sorrowfully, “I won't write them anymore.”

“And how is that fair to  _ you _ ?”

That she had no response to. Jon looked at the letter before he carefully spoke again.

“Mara, your friend you always speak of.” Ellyna’s breath became staggered as her eyes shifted to her trembling hands. He took a long pause before he went on. “This letter is for her, isn't it?”

Ellyna's face went pale with concern and guilt, but she gently closed her eyes and gave another reluctant nod.

She trusted Jon. He hadn't truly given her any reason to not trust him. But, could she trust him with that? Had he told anyone that he knew who it was for? This was more secret than anything anyone on the outside had known about her. About Mara. It was her secret, too, after all. She suddenly felt a rush of pain in her heart that her carelessness with their letters could have dragged Mara into anything dangerous. Perhaps sensing her worry, Jon went on speaking.

“I won't tell anyone. You have my word.”

As if an enormous weight was removed from her shoulders, Ellyna met Jon’s eyes in a silent and tearful thank you. He went on.

“I was once with a woman whom I…” He stopped as if the memory was still fresh; still painful. “I was going to run away with her. Away from what we were told we should be. But, I didn't. I let her think that I believed it was more important to play our roles apart than to be our true selves with each other. And, because of that, I lost her. I don't think I ever stopped hating myself for it. 

“Sure, you can go on, follow what you're told to do and smile through it. But you have to contend with yourself, knowing that you’re not with the one you love – you're not where you want to be – and it kills you. Ellyna, I cannot be your Mara, and I never will be. Just as you said, I can't replace her.”

_ And I can't replace your love either, Jon _ , Ellyna thought, understanding his words. Understanding how he understood her so well. She took a deep breath. She was ready, finally ready for Jon to know her. Her true self.

“When we learned of my betrothal, I told her that I couldn't see her or speak with her again. That I didn't want to. I told her that I hated her and that what we had was false. But none of that was true. I love her. I only wanted her to be happy elsewhere when I'm gone even if she had to hate me for it.”

Ellyna thought about the look on Mara’s face the last time she saw her. She'd never seen such pain in her beautiful green eyes. It was so overwhelming, Ellyna nearly retracted every word in that moment.

“But the moment I arrived here I knew I'd made a grave mistake. I couldn't stop thinking about her, and I was sad every day over it. I wrote to her, taking it all back and begging for forgiveness that I didn't deserve. I sent three letters with no response, thinking that I'd lost her forever. But then she wrote back, and she forgave me. She shouldn't have, but she did. And now I feel as if I live to get her letters.

“I don't know what she expects from us, and I don't know what I expect either. I only know that she makes me so happy and that I love her. I am sorry that I won't change that for you.”

“I'm sorry that you believe I would ever ask you to,” Jon interjected.

“You know that I asked her to be at my welcome feast? My brother, he knows about us. He was going to bring her as his guest. She didn’t come, though. Said it would be too hard, and I agree. If I’d seen her in front of me, I may have had to resist leaving with her back to the Riverlands.”

She'd confessed it all. Everything she’d tried so hard to keep hidden from him. Laid herself bare. They didn't say anything for a while. They simply remained two people, pushed together though there hearts were solidly in other places. And they both had a decision to make. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jon shift his body to face her. Felt his eyes on her.

“I made you a promise, didn't I? I told you that you are free to leave as you please if you don't find that you could be happy here.”

“You did.”

“And I intend to keep that promise, Ellyna. All you have to do is tell me.”

Ellyna thought of returning to Raventree Hall. She thought of what she could say to explain why she came back unmarried. She had been close enough with her family. But, aside from her nearest brother, not close enough to tell anyone about Mara. She couldn't tell them her real reason for returning. That much she knew. But she would have to give them all some reason, even an untrue one.

“What if my father hates me for doing this?”

“You don't know that he will. But you'll hate yourself if you stay here. Believe me.” Jon placed his hand on hers, encouraging her to be honest.

“Will you travel back with me? I could use someone to talk to on the journey up.”

“I will,” he agreed. She turned to him, finally looking directly into his eyes.

“You did nothing wrong. You were nothing but good to me.”

“You don't have to explain.”

“I know. But, I want you to know that.”

In a move that even surprised herself, she hugged Jon. She hugged him in the most comforting embrace. As a good and true friend, one closer than most. His arms wrapped tightly around her, as well.

“Thank you,” she whispered against him,“Your Grace.”

“You still don't have to call me that,” he chuckled.

They pulled apart, content in their decision. Relieved by it. Ellyna flashed a warm smile as she put her hand on his cheek, ever grateful for knowing him. He gave her the letter back, and she held it securely against her chest. She started to walk away and released a breath that she felt as if she'd held since she arrived.

Ellyna had an inclination as to who the woman who had Jon’s heart was. She needn't observe them too closely to know that, though she didn't say her name out loud. Instead, she stopped and turned back to him.

“I hope you find your happiness, as well. You deserve nothing but happiness.”

Jon nodded to her as she left to begin packing her belongings. Ellyna was going home. Home to be scolded or blackmarked. Home to understanding and sympathy. Home to an unknown, unplanned future. She wasn't certain of any of it. But, she was certain of one thing, if one thing only. She was going home to Mara.

That alone was enough to get her through whatever would come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An uplifting chapter ending? In my angsty fic?   
> It's more likely than you think.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following Ellyna’s departure, Dany confronts Jon in a culmination of built up emotions. Years of feelings are brought to light. Afterwards, another important decision is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's me again! Back with another late chapter... oops. Sorry about that. Explanation in the end notes. 
> 
> But, I hope the chapter was worth the wait. It's the longest chapter at over 4K words, and quite a bit happens. You may have noticed that I upped the rating to "M". So, yeah, that's a thing.

_DAENERYS_

Her life wasn't so bad, she thought. Dany stared at herself in the mirror as her handmaiden, Selenne, brushed through her hair. There were people who tended to every need she had. Even every need she didn't have. Fashioned her in beautiful, if sometimes gaudy gowns. Kept her fed with fancy, outlandish foods.

She had a good husband. He spent more time away from home, having most recently taken a trip to Dorne to visit the seat of House Dayne, of all places. On business for the crown, of course. But when he was home, he was nice. Kind. Friendly. And they always left plenty of empty space between each other in their bed.

It was life. It was her life again. It wasn't the life she wanted, but it was as it should be. Every piece in its place. Once she’d stopped trying to be a mistress, she could be the princess that any woman would want to be.

Best of all this life was safe for Dany. She wouldn't have to sneak around with Aegon. Pine after him in secret. Sure he may or may not have had a lover in Alarra. But, he knew his place, same as Dany. Neither of them would ever stray too far from each other no matter what their hearts thought they wanted. Her heart wouldn’t get broken. It couldn’t get broken if it was hardly invested in the marriage. That alone was enough to keep her from entertaining other options.

Jon and Ellyna left for Raventree Hall the day after she saw them together. She presumed that it was to finally solidify their engagement, celebrate with her family, make arrangements to fully move her to King’s Landing. No one said much about their reason for the trip, but Dany knew. Dany liked Ellyna a lot. She was happy that Ellyna would be in the family. Even if it meant giving up Jon. It was for the best, she told herself. She'd already resigned herself to it and would even try to welcome it.

“Lady Ellyna is nice, isn't she,” Dany asked Selenne.

“She is, very much so.”

“I hope she enjoys her time here. I suppose she’ll need to get comfortable in the palace since she'll be here to stay.”

“Lady Ellyna is gone.”

“Yes, but when she comes back.”

“I do not believe that she intends on coming back. She stayed at Raventree Hall, I hear. And her rooms have been cleared.”

And all at once, Dany felt her neatly-constructed world crumble again. She stared at her own expression, clenched jaw, exposing far more shock and confusion than she it wanted to. Selenne had to have been wrong. That was the only true explanation. There was no reason for Ellyna to leave so suddenly. No reason but one.

“Have Jon and Ellyna come to a decision on their arrangement,” Dany gulped.

“Yes, it seems. She and Prince Jon have decided not to marry from what I hear. I'm sorry, princess. I thought that you had known. That was why they left. Only the prince returned this evening.”

Dany let the news settle in uncomfortably. It didn't make sense. She'd seen them with her own eyes. They way they hugged each other, looked into each other's eyes. They were happy. Truly happy.

“Do you know where he is now? Prince Jon?”

“I do not. Perhaps he may be in his room or the study?” Dany hastily shot up, causing the woman to jump back.

“Thank you, Selenne,” she said with a shaky voice as she walked away; her thin-material nightgown sweeping behind her.

“Your highness, let me dress you!”

Dany didn't respond. She only grabbed a robe as she stormed out of her room. As she moved down the hall, she had hard time placing her emotions.  
She had an uncontrollable sense of frustration rising in her, but she wasn't completely sure what she was angry about. Ellyna not returning and no one telling her why? Angry that Jon wouldn't be wed? All she knew was that she had an overwhelming need to confront him about the news. _He won't be married_ , Dany thought, _Jon won't be married_. But, she bitterly pushed it out of mind, rejecting the way the thought made her heart race with hope.

Once she reached his room, Dany did not waste time knocking. She pushed the door open and slammed it closed behind her. Jon, unpacking his belongings from the Riverlands trip, looked up and was surprised to see her.

“She's gone?”

“Yes,” he answered plainly, not needing any further explanation.

“Why?”

“Because I made her a promise, and I upheld it. She was not my prisoner and was always free to leave.”

“What went wrong?”

“Nothing went wrong. We just realized that it wouldn't work between us, and that's fine.”

He removed some books, nonchalantly and placed them on the shelf. Somehow his indifference angered Dany more.

“Then another woman is coming instead,” she asked curtly, “When does she arrive?”

“There is no one else coming,” Jon sighed. Dany furrowed her brows. He looked at her decisively, anticipating her reaction. “I've decided that I won't marry. There's no real obligational reason for me to marry, so I've chosen not to.”

“That's _ridiculous_. You can't swear off marriage. You didn't even try.”

“Why should I bother trying at it when I know will never work?”

He returned to unpacking his luggage diverting his attention away from Dany’s inquisition. She stormed over to him, slamming her hands onto the desk in front of him, and met his eye line.

“What has gotten into you,” Jon asked with a glare, “Why are you so upset?”

“I had finally accepted my marriage, Jon. I accepted the good and the bad, just as anyone would expect in any union. That Aegon and I would live our lives as husband and wife, no matter what. That maybe I could even be happy in this life if I just learned to accept our roles. Do you know what helped me realize that? It was knowing that you would be married soon. Because in knowing that…”

“Will you listen to yourself,” Jon angrily interrupted, walking quickly around her.

“In knowing that you would be married…” she tried to repeat.

“I don't even recognize you when you speak like this!”

“... I knew that you didn't love me anymore. I knew that it was over. That you had let me go and that I should do the same.”

They momentarily fell silent, now across the floor from each other. That was it. She knew why she was so angry. She'd neatly patched up those cracks in her life, using Jon’s marriage as the plaster. And, as he'd done so often for her before, his decision threatened to deliver the final blow to her exterior. Jon stared at her, mouth agape. But, Dany looked him dead on as she continued speaking.

“So, I _need_ you to tell me that I have no part in your decision to not marry.” It pained her to ask it of him because she would be hurt either way. But, she needed to know for certain one way or the other. “Tell me that your feelings are gone, and I will go back to Aegon right now. Back to what we know. And I can stop chasing this past life with you that I can’t have. Tell me.”

Jon averted his eyes to the ground, which already answered Dany's inquiry. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

“I can't tell you that. I can’t lie to you.”

“Why not? Can't you just lie this one time? Isn’t lying easier than admitting what we feel?”

“No. No, it’s _not_ easier. Lying doesn’t change the truth of it. It hardly even hides it.” As he looked back up, his eyes pierced clear through her. “A long time ago, I fell in love with a girl with whom I never had to lie. I never had to play a part that I didn't want to. I loved her then. More than she even knew. I didn't have to lie to her before, and I won't lie to her now.

I still love you, Dany. As much as I ever did. No matter how hard I wanted to fight it. Even when I left, I never once stopped thinking about you and coming back only reaffirmed what I already knew. I think about how we should have run away. And I regret turning away from you every day. Every single day. The love I have for you. I can't feel for someone else what I feel for you.

Now, I’m not asking you to drop everything for me, and I'm sorry if I made you think that. I care about Aegon and don’t want to hurt him. Even more, I don’t wish to hurt you either. And I will honestly try better to support you both, if that's what you want from me. I’ll leave again if you need me to. If that will bring you peace in your life. Causing you pain by being here is the last thing that I’d ever want to do. But, don’t ask me to lie to you when I can no longer pretend that what I feel is gone. The truth is that I can't enter into any marriage arrangement with the knowledge that I still love you and always will.”

Her heart toggled between wanting to burst through her chest or stop all together. Every bit of her mind told her to leave without another word. Leave his room and forget everything he said. Go back to her bed and never speak of it again. Pretend as if his words did not ignite her in a way that she couldn’t describe. A way that she'd all but forgotten and awaken something in her that she desperately thought she wanted gone.

But, she didn't want it gone. She never did. _Lying doesn’t change the truth of it_. It echoed in her head; a chant pushing her on. With that thought, the words left her mouth before she could stop them.

“And I still love you,” she finally confessed, her eyes filling with tears. “I'm angry at myself for it. I'm angry at Aegon for not being you. I'm angry at you for _being_ you. And I hate admitting to myself that the happiest I've been in my life has been when I'm with you. That the only man I have ever loved and ever could love is you. I naively thought that would change when you left and that Aegon and I would somehow fall in love one day. I thought that Ellyna being here and the prospect of you marrying would finally bring me to my senses. But, it's always you. I know it. Aegon knows it.

He and I, we smile for the crowds. Happy husband and wife. Then I sleep at night and dream of you. I dream of kissing you. Touching you. Just laughing with you. Being with you. And I'm happier in my dreams than Aegon could make me in my waking life. What kind of person does that make me? Aegon goes off with Alarra doing what we never will. What kind of person does that make him? We’re playing this ridiculous make believe to hide the fact that we don't love each other. I can't love him, not for a moment, because I love _you_. I love you too fiercely, Jon.”

She said it. She finally said out loud what she'd felt so strongly inside. They both were taken aback by Dany’s words, winded by the gravity of them. She couldn't retract what she said, and after years of hiding the feelings, she didn't want to take them back. Saying them made her feel lighter. And to say them to Jon, at that. Their expressions at each other softened. As she stared at him, it felt as though she was seeing the young boy she loved and who was so in love with her before they were torn apart. Jon stared at her as if he was weighing his next words, knowing that, whatever they were, they would change everything.

“Ellyna would never have been happy with me, and I wouldn't dare keep her where she doesn't want to be,” he began in a soft tone, “I mean this genuinely when I ask it; not as a way to sway you. Where do you _want_ to be, Dany?”

 _This life isn't so bad_ , she thought.

Dany froze in silence at first before she stepped close to him. She thought her feet would stop her. She thought her mind would stop her at the last second. They didn't.

_This life is easy._

She'd held herself back before, but that wouldn't happen this time. And there was no going back. She stood only a nose away from him, placing her hand on his chest. A brief flash of Aegon crossed her mind.

_This life is not me._

With closed eyes, her lips grazed softly over his, taking a deep breath before they kissed. Jon briefly tensed but recovered, putting his hand on her waist. The kiss was everything she'd remembered, everything she'd missed, and even more. Every bit as soft and loving as she'd dreamed of. 

They stopped kissing for a moment, opening their eyes to each other. Taking a second to realize what they were doing before linking together again. Jon pulled her closer into him, running his fingers in her hair and deepening the kiss.

The kiss became feverish and passionate as they moved in sync towards the bed. Dany removed her robe and tossed it aside, never breaking away from his lips. He pressed her body against the bedpost, kissing her neck and running his hand down the curve of her side.

Suddenly she stopped Jon, staring into his gaze. Dany slowly pushed her nightgown down until it pooled at her feet. His breath caught as he glanced over her nude form. Dany caressed her fingers down his cheek. She gave him the faintest nod which he then returned. With that, Dany sat down on the bed, pushing herself further up towards the headboard. Her eyes never looking away from his. Jon removed his shirt and unlaced his pants, climbing onto the bed next her.

Dany had only been with one man. Jon had never been with a woman. Their apprehension was palpable as Jon looked down at her. But, their desire and love were stronger than their nerves. Dany placed his hand on her chest, showing how quickly her heart was beating, and they had a light laugh at that. Jon’s hand trembled slightly as it smoothed over her breast and down her bare skin, but she placed her hand calmingly over his.

With her touch to guide him, he pushed her thighs apart and positioned himself between them. Both taking deep breaths, Jon locked eyes with Dany as he slowly and carefully entered her. She winced slightly before pain was replaced with pleasure. He very gently at first moved in and out of her. But, he developed a smooth, steady rhythm after a moment which Dany responded to. Soft breaths escaping her parted lips.

She wrapped her arms around him tightly, clutching him closely against her. Nails gripping into his back and hair. She couldn't let go of him, couldn't let go of that feeling of him; not again. Tears began to fall down her face as he kissed her neck, his arm hooked around her leg. It was Jon. She was with Jon, far closer than they'd ever been with each other. As close as two people could be, she and Jon. If Dany could hold onto that blissful thought for the rest of her life, she'd be a happier, more fulfilled person for it.

They made love in the same bed in which they shared their first kiss all those years ago. Dany remembered sneaking into that room to visit a recovering young Jon, never imagining what it would eventually lead them to.

The bed moved beneath them as their pace picked up. Dany sat straddling his lap, her legs crossed behind him, and rolled her hips on to him. He gripped her back, and his breath hitched as he kissed her collar. As her heart steadied, Dany whispered his name and kissed him again. The sound of Jon’s name leaving her lips in the heat of passion awakened a wave of emotions.

A sudden new flash of energy overtook them as she felt him throbbing. Dany grabbed tightly onto his curls, her breathy moans echoing in the room. Jon huffed as he held onto her hips harder with every movement. Just as he approached climax, he took her hand in his, holding it securely in between their chests. They collapsed against each other, spent and catching their breaths. Theirs hands still laced together against their sweat-dampened bodies.

Some time passed and, fully exhausted, they laid down on their sides, facing one another. Jon’s fingers grazed down Dany’s bare arm as their eyes were fixed on each other. Neither spoke. They only let their eyes take in every detail of the other, having experienced a deeper and more intimate version of each other than ever before.

Eventually, though, Dany sat up, hugging her knees to her chest. She looked around the room in silence. Looked at the discarded clothes strewn around and the twisted bed sheets. The way her arms were still prickled with goosebumps and her heart had only just begun to calm. Noted all of the foreign feelings she had in that moment.

“I can't stay, Jon,” she whispered, sadly.

“I know,” Jon sighed. He touched the tips of her hair, letting locks of it slip through fingers.

“No. I mean I can't stay here. I can't stay with Aegon.”

Jon furrowed his brows and sat up, looking over at Dany. Her gaze was still far off.

“Dany?”

“You're right. I can't lie anymore. I don't want to.” She met his face with all seriousness. “I want to leave. With you. Just like we said we would. I don't know how or where. I just know that... that this is where I want to be; with you.”

Dany waited for him to protest, remind her of the reasons why it wouldn't work. Talk some sense into her as he had before. She knew that he wouldn't, though. Not anymore.

“Alright,” he finally said. “We’ll leave. Truly leave this time.

She smiled, both excited and terrified. But, resigned in knowing that Jon would be with her. Always with her. Always at her side. As it always should have been. They kissed again, passionately.

Before the sun rose, Dany creeped back into her bedroom; her hair still disheveled. She knew what to expect when she opened the door, and she was as ready for it as she'd ever be.

Aegon sat at the desk, still in his night clothes, waiting for her. It didn't appear that he'd gotten much sleep if any. Perhaps waiting up for her but knowing better than to search for her. He didn't look at her at first as he began to speak.

“I remember when I first caught you two together. I'd been looking for you. I don't even recall why anymore. I was going to Jon’s room to wake him and ask if he'd seen you. You always were closer to him than me, so I knew that he would know. And he did. When I found you with him, in his arms, both of you so peaceful, I knew that I'd lost you if I ever even had you.”

“Aegon,” she said apologetically.

“I felt something far more surprising to myself, though.” He finally glanced at her. “Nothing. I felt nothing. I wasn’t jealous. I wasn’t hurt. I wanted to feel all those things. I expected to. The girl to whom I was betrothed wrapped in my brother’s arms, and I did not feel anything. I knew that something was wrong in that moment.”

Dany took a seat in the second chair across from him. He looked to be more broken than she'd ever seen him. But, more than that, he looked lost and disoriented. He sipped on a drink in a chalice and continued on.

“I never tried to deny the connection you two have. Even still, I just didn't understand why you could never let it go. Why you couldn't just be my wife. Why I couldn't just be your husband. It seemed as easy could be. We didn't have to be in love. We only needed to be together. I accepted that. But, that was so hard for you in a way that it wasn't hard for me.”

A twinge of guilt creeped up in her. But, she didn't waver. What's more, Aegon’s expression changed. He suddenly looked at her with the lovesick eyes she'd seen him with at Ellyna's feast. He seemed to struggle to get his next words out as if it was his first time speaking them.

“I… I believe that I understand now. I understand you. And Jon.”

“You've fallen for her,” Dany understood.

“I think so. No, I know I have. I'm sorry.”

“Do not be sorry. Not for that.”

Dany took his hand with a sympathetic smile, smoothing her thumb over it. Reassuring his feelings. Discouraging the shame she saw on his face.

“I have been with Alarra,” Aegon admitted.

“And I have been with Jon.”

They both sighed, content in their confessions and openness. It was the truest conversation she'd ever had with him in her memory. The most honest and human he'd ever been with her. If ever there was a time to tell him, to convince him of what they should do, it was in that moment.

“When you see yourself growing old, Aegon, do you envision me by your side? You sit on the throne, old and gray, living your whole public life as a king is supposed to. Am I beside you in private, discussing the fruitful efforts of your reign? Is that how you see your life?”

He looked as if he wanted to lie again, but another comforting squeeze of his hand begged the truth out of.

“No,” he said.

“No. What do you see? What do you want to see?”

“I want to be loved by the people. Do great amounts of good in the realm. But, when I am away from the public, I want to be myself again. Without feeling a sense of obligation. And in order to feel that way, I see myself with…” Aegon stopped, but Dany nodded for him to go on.“With Alarra. Just playing our game.”

“And I see myself somewhere far away. Without jewels or servants or councils. I see myself traveling anywhere I desire. As a person, not a princess. And after I'm exhausted from traveling everywhere I could possibly wish to go, I see myself living a quiet, simple and happy life. Raising my children in some remote place by the sea. With Jon.”

Dany left her chair and kneeled in front of Aegon. Stared him deeply in his warm brown eyes. Leaving no way for him to avoid or deny her words.

“Who are we pretending for? Because it certainly isn't for ourselves or each other.”

“What will people say,” he asked.

“Everything. They'll wish us well, they'll speak ill of us. They'll laugh or hate us. Maybe they won't even care about what we do. But are their words worth us denying ourselves real happiness forever? Is it worth that? We have to live these lives, Aegon. Not them.”

“Not them,” he repeated in agreement.

“I cannot stay, my husband.” She placed a hand against his cheek. “We love each other the same as we always have and same as we always will. But we will never make each other truly happy. You know this. You’ve always known this.”

He nodded. They stood and embraced each other. Dany squeezed him, closing her eyes in relief. Aegon’s arms wrapped around her, holding her head against his chest. Swaying in their sense of calm. They would have a storm heading their way, they were sure. There would be much to explain and judgement from every corner. But, for the first time, it didn't matter. Their charade was done. Their lives – the lives they wanted – could finally begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: The "M" is a temporary rating as it only pertains to this chapter. I don't want any future readers expecting 10-chapter smut. It'll eventually go back to "T" but with a warning for chapter 9.
> 
>  
> 
> "So, where were you, Reina? Why so late?"
> 
> See, what had happened was...
> 
> First, I got locked out of my account which was weird and pushed my publish date back. In pushing that back, it cut into my prep time for Dragon Con (huge, major cosplay event to which I made 5 cosplays, including Daenerys). So no chapter then. Last weekend, Dragon Con weekend. Too much partying, not enough internet. No chapter then either. Allll this week I was fight the dreaded "con crud", typical post-convention cold or sickness. 
> 
> Finally, I get to post it now, though! Again, I really, really, really hope that you liked it. Thanks to unforeseen shenanigans, I'm not going to promise a specific date for the last chapter this time. But, chapter 10 is the shortest chapter. So I don't plan on keeping anyone still following waiting too long on it!
> 
> As always, thank you for reading!!


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